


When Heaven and Hell Collide

by Schm0use



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Humor, Kinda, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4834292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schm0use/pseuds/Schm0use
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All in all, it’s not much like Siwon had expected it would be—dying, that is, and what comes after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In the entire, grand scheme of things, life—more specifically, a single, human life—isn’t really all that important.   
  
People are born, and they meander on through their seventy or eighty (or more, if you’re lucky) years, and then they die. It all happens very quickly, really; in less than the blink of an eye when compared to the rest of the Universe.   
  
And speaking of the Universe… now,  _there’s_  a long-lived, never-ending, time-wasting bastard. There’s a well-known saying among the galaxies, about him, that they whisper to each other as they float around out there in space. It goes: “Do whatever you want; in the end, the Universe wins.”   
  
Of course, this is all during the time you’re alive and well (which, remember, is just a smidgeon, barely a stain on the surface of history, and all that). Because once you’re gone, you step into a whole different ballgame, one that the Universe doesn’t even hold a candle to.   
  
Because now…  _now_  you’re facing eternity. And there’s  _no_  turning back.   
  
Mr. Universe, yeah, he’s been around the block a couple times, he’s seen what’s what. But he can’t even come  _near_  to claiming an eternity of existence, _and_  an eternity yet to come. That’s a long-ass time.   
  
In fact, there are only two places that have  _always been_  and  _will always be_  around that long:  
  
Heaven.   
  
Hell.   
  
Establishments that have been in business since the beginning of time. You die, you go to one of those, and you  _stay there_.  
  
For the rest of eternity.  
  
Think about that for a second: there’s no leaving; think of “forever”—it’s hard, right? To imagine  _nothing else_ … for the  _rest_  of your  _“life”_. Okay, now, extend that by another forever. And another. And an infinite number more.  
  
Kinda freaky.  
  
So, understandably, the management of both regions has been streamlined to perfection, and they’re  _still_  improving all the time. And since humans suddenly entered the mix about a couple million years ago, they have to make sure everyone gets put in the right place. There’s no room for error when the slightest mistake could cost someone their forever.  
  
However, a couple million years really isn’t that much time to adjust to such a huge change. There were times, maybe once every couple millennia, when there had been scares—when people  _almost_  ended up where they weren’t supposed to; and then there was the general panic caused by it, the mad scramble to get them where they belonged.  
  
No one was ever outright  _misplaced_ , though.   
  
But given how long eternity stretches, it was only a matter of time before someone finally fucked up.   
  
Really, really badly.  
  
***  
  
All in all, it wasn’t much like Siwon had expected it would be—dying, that was, and what came after.   
  
In the first place, he had expected to die when his number was fully up, old and frail in bed, surrounded and survived by people who loved him dearly, as opposed to quickly and startlingly in the prime of his life, with only strangers to see him go. And he certainly hadn’t expected to die in the way he had, but, well,  _that_  had happened, and here he was facing eternity.  
  
He glanced quickly at the man sitting on his right. They were in a white-walled, smallish sort of room, one that fell just in between comfortable and claustrophobic. It was just the two of them, seated in two chairs against one wall. At the opposite end of the room were a set of elevator doors. There was no button to summon them. And there was no other door—Siwon had no idea how they’d got into the room. He’d just suddenly…  _been_  there.  
  
This was another thing that was all wrong with Siwon’s view of death—he had expected to just sort of wake up the moment after, and there he’d be, at the Gates of Heaven, which would, upon his arrival, swing majestically inward to admit him. There would be a host of angels singing and golden light and clouds and everything stereotypical that he’d always imagined Heaven to have.   
  
Instead, he was stuck in this waiting room, waiting for what he didn’t know, with this man (he hadn’t told Siwon his name) who just sat there doing nothing (although he did smile a lot). Couldn’t they just let him go up already?  
  
As he fidgeted, the other man turned to him, wide, comforting smile on his face, and began conversationally, “So…”  
  
Siwon stopped fidgeting.   
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Well… if you don’t mind my asking… Siwon, it was Siwon, wasn’t it?”   
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Ah, right, well. Siwon. How exactly did you… you know.” The man trailed off.   
  
“Die.” Siwon filled in bluntly. “How did I die.”  
  
“If you don’t mind my asking… usually, people are very calm about it by this point—unless it was something terrible—” The man paused uncertainly.  
  
“No. Not terrible.” Siwon reassured him. “Just very,  _very_  confusing.”  
  
The man looked intrigued. “How so—”  
  
With a sudden, soft  _ding_ , the elevator doors opened. Both men looked at them.  
  
“Well, that’s us.” The man stood. Siwon did as well.  
  
“Do we just—”  
  
“Oh, right, yeah, just go on in.”   
  
Siwon did so, with the man following. Another thing about death; so far, it had been very awkward.   
  
The doors closed behind them.  
  
“Alright, down we go!” The man said cheerfully, pushing the button. The elevator began moving.   
  
It was a nice elevator, Siwon thought (though, in all honesty, he had never expected to use elevators in the afterlife). Spacious. Rich, cherry wood walls, tasteful lighting, no awful music to distract from the—  
  
_Down?_  
  
“Excuse me,” Siwon said, sure he must have heard wrong. “But did you just say—”  
  
The elevator  _ding_ -ed again.  
  
“Here we are.” The man told him, still happy, and the doors opened and—  
  
Blackness.   
  
That was all Siwon could see, not like the middle-of-the-night blackness, or someone-just-switched-off-the-light-while-you-were-in-the-room blackness;  _B_ _lackness_. Like someone had painted a wall with charcoal and stuck it in front of the elevator. Like if you stepped into it, you would, without a doubt, never see again. Ever.  
  
Siwon blanched.  
  
“No.” He said. “No, hang on—”  
  
“I know it’s a bit of a shock.” The man patted his shoulder. Siwon tried to turn, to push the door close button, to keep away from the dark, but the man calmly steered him back towards it. “It’s not as bad as you think, I promise.”  
  
“No, it’s not that—there’s been some sort of—I’m a  _good person!”_  
  
He felt himself being pushed closer.  
  
“I can’t be—”  
  
“If you ever feel too overwhelmed, and need to talk,” the man said, “just come find me.” He smiled reassuringly.   
  
“I don’t even know your  _name!”_ Siwon cried desperately, trying to cling to the other man, anything to keep from going out the doors.  
  
“Oh!” The man laughed. “I’m so terrible at this—” He shoved one last time and Siwon went stumbling backwards out of the elevator. “It’s Zhou Mi!”  
  
Behind him, there was nothing. To his sides, nothing. Below him, although there must be a surface, he could not see it. In front of him, the doors began to close. As the single sliver of light faded away and the last thing he saw—Zhou Mi waving goodbye—was swallowed up by the black, Siwon realized belatedly, through a haze of confusion and fear, that there was one thing, above all, that he had failed to take into account about dying.  
  
He had never, ever, supposed that he might not go to Heaven after all.  
  
***  
  
Henry walked determinedly forward, trying hard to disguise the fact that he was having a minor panic attack. He was a sort of Heavenly tour guide, assigned to people their first few days to show them around, and he liked his job, he really did, but he couldn’t help but feel something had gone horribly awry this time. He glanced nervously back at the man following him.  
  
Kim Heechul.   
  
Kim Heechul grinned wickedly back at him. Henry turned quickly to the front.   
  
“So you’re not fucking with me?” Heechul asked loudly from behind him. “I seriously got into Heaven?”  
  
“Um…”

Words failed Henry. Heechul began laughing. Maniacally. Henry resisted the urge to run away.  
  
Something had definitely gone very, horribly awry.   
  
Henry’s suspicions only increased as the day wore on. Heechul was the most…  _atypical_  person he’d ever come across in Heaven. He seemed to like swearing more than not, he’d already asked several times where the best bar was, and any time one of the more attractive angels would walk by, he would leer at them. Unsettlingly.   
  
A dark thought crossed Henry’s mind.   
  
_What if Heechul had been… mis—_    
  
Henry shook his head. No, it had never happened before, they were too careful. And besides, now that he  _was_  here, it was permanent. They couldn’t switch him out, or anything.  
  
At that moment, Heechul, clearly bored with everyone else avoiding his predatory stare, swung an arm over Henry’s shoulders.  
  
“Hey, Henry,” He said. “You look like you know how to have some fun…”  
  
Henry sighed. On second thought, maybe he should talk to someone about this.  
  
***  
  
A week to the day Siwon and Heechul had shown up, a quiet knock sounded on Leeteuk’s office door.   
  
“Come in,” He called, and the door opened slightly.   
  
“Hi.” Henry peered around the door. “Can I talk to you about something?”  
  
“Sure.” Leeteuk removed his glasses as Henry entered the room, moving to sit in one of the chairs in front of the desk. He twisted his hands—he seemed nervous about something, so Leeteuk waited patiently for him to begin.  
  
“It’s about… the guy I’ve been showing around these past couple of days.”  
  
***  
  
“You’ve got something to complain about already?” Kibum asked, not looking up from his paperwork. Zhou Mi sighed.  
  
“Not complain about.” He said. “I’m just… worried about him.”  
  
“Worried about Siwon?” Kibum looked up long enough to raise an eyebrow at Zhou Mi. “He got himself landed  _here_ , Zhou Mi. I doubt he needs to be babied.”  
  
“That’s the problem!” The other man insisted, and Kibum internally rolled his eyes. “I… Kibum, I know it’s never happened before but… I think we may have a genuine…  _misplacement_  on our hands here.”  
  
Kibum’s pen froze over his report.  
  
***  
  
“A… a misplacement?” Leeteuk repeated.   
  
Henry nodded glumly.  
  
“But…  _how?_ Are you positive?”  
  
“No.” The younger man shook his head. “I don’t even know how to be sure. I just have a really bad feeling. Heechul’s very… he’s really… difficult to deal with.”  
  
“Well, sometimes that happens.” Leeteuk sat back in his chair contemplatively. “I mean, it’s not all that common, but there are some people who just barely make it in. Sungmin—”  
  
“—was  _not_  this bad, I’ll bet my life on it.” Henry paused. “Well, not my life, but you know what I mean.”  
  
“What exactly has he  _done?”_  
  
“He’s been seeking out a bar I think almost non-stop since he got here—he gets worse every day. And he keeps making passes at all the other angels. Or, I guess, not all of them. Just the men. And... only the attractive ones, at that.”  
  
Leeteuk cleared his throat. “Ah.”   
  
“That’s not everything. He’s—”  
  
***  
  
“—afraid of Yesung.” Zhou Mi elaborated. “ _Yesung_.”  
  
Kibum furrowed his eyebrows. “Siwon’s afraid of Yesung?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“But no one’s afraid of—”  
  
“Exactly!” Zhou Mi pointed a triumphant finger at him. “ _Now_  tell me he’s supposed to be here.”  
  
Kibum drummed his fingers on the desktop. “How did he die again?”  
  
“Don’t know.” Zhou Mi slumped back into the chair, defeated. “All he’ll say is that it was really confusing. I’m not even sure  _he_  knows for certain what happened.”  
  
“Confusing…”   
  
The phone on Kibum’s desk rang. Lost in thought, he didn’t answer it for the first couple rings, before finally picking up absently.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Kibum? It’s Leeteuk, from Heaven.”  
  
“Er…”  
  
“From the Trouble in Paradise branch?”  
  
“Oh. Right, sorry. I’m a little preoccupied… anyway, Leeteuk, how are you?”  
  
“I’m doing alright… but I think I may have just encountered a big problem.”  
  
Kibum sat up a little straighter.  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“I think… we got one of yours by mistake.”   
  
Kibum shot a glance at Zhou Mi—the other man was looking at him expectantly.  
  
“What a coincidence.” Kibum said, nodding at Zhou Mi. “I think we may have run into the same issue.”  
  
“Oh, no, there’s more than one?” Leeteuk sounded deeply unhappy.  
  
“Let’s not jump to conclusions.” Kibum reassured him. “Do you have the file for yours? I think we need to do a comparison.”  
  
“Good idea. Meet you in the usual spot in ten minutes?”  
  
“Sure.” A thought suddenly struck him. “Wait, Leeteuk—”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Can you bring your guy?” Kibum asked. “We may need to talk with them to figure out what’s going on.”  
  
“Will do. See you in a few.”  
  
Kibum hung up.   
  
“Them too?” Zhou Mi inquired after a moment, apprehensively.  
  
“Yeah.” Kibum rubbed his eyes hard. “This is going to take ages to fix.  _If_  we can even fix it at all.”  
  
***  
  
Truth be told, Hell really  _wasn’t_  as bad as Siwon had thought it would be. He’d stumbled through the darkness for a couple steps, before suddenly emerging on the other side of it, getting his first real glimpse of Hell. But it wasn’t the scene of torture, misery,  _depravity_  he’d expected.  
  
Hell was so big that it dwarfed the size of the world Siwon had left several times over. What was more, it was as though someone had built it all on the inside of a mountain bigger than the mind could comprehend—the ground was gravelly, and it sprawled inside a monstrous cavern that was so big you couldn’t see the walls (if, indeed, it ever actually ended, and walls existed). The walls shot up into oblivion, so the ceiling was not visible.   
  
Because of the peculiar location, it was always night, but it was never truly dark there. Hell was also one huge, massive metropolis. It looked as though it may once have been a great city, a long time ago—but it had since deteriorated, become infested with slums and sleaze. Although the neon lights were glaring, and all the buildings were lit up, it still seemed dim, as if it was shrouded in smog.  
  
Being there was like being in the loudest, most immoral spot on Earth, where the eternal nightlife was not policed or governed by law or rules, and where people who’d long since lost whatever ideas of ethics, decency, honesty and goodness they’d had in life met people who’d never had any of these sorts of ideas at all.   
  
Hell was the  _ultimate_  city that never slept.  
  
“Where are we going?” Siwon knew his voice was fairly over-flowing with hope and anticipation, but he couldn’t be bothered to disguise it. “Are you letting me leave? Am I finally going to Heaven?”  
  
“I’m sorry.” Zhou Mi apologized shaking his head. Siwon’s face fell. “We don’t exactly know what’s gone wrong, but we’re trying to fix it.”  
  
They were tramping through Hell, on their way to some meeting place to talk to people who could hopefully sort the whole affair out and get Siwon on his way to paradise.  
  
Siwon kept close to Zhou Mi’s heels as they wound through the streets. “But you’ve figured out something is wrong?” He pressed.  
  
“There may be.”   
  
It was with concerted effort that Siwon managed not to scream. “If you know something is wrong, then there’s really only one thing it could be, right? I’m in the wrong place!”  
  
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out.” Zhou Mi had turned down one road and was now stopped in front of a building. “This is it.” Siwon looked up to see a familiar looking green logo. He stared at it, mouth hanging slightly open, one eye squinted in confusion. Zhou Mi held the door open for him, waved him inside.  
  
Completely dumbfounded, Siwon stepped into the Starbucks.  
  
The first thing that really shocked Siwon was the fact that sunlight was streaming through the frosted windows. It was so natural, yet it had been so long since he’d seen it, he had the weird sensation of it being both a normal occurrence and a rare experience that he should treasure.  
  
He turned to Zhou Mi, who was stepping inside, and pointed wordlessly at the windows.  
  
“What—oh, sunlight?” Zhou Mi chuckled at his shock. “This place is unique to itself, and totally separate from either Hell or Heaven. The light imitates the passage of time.” He gestured at the interior. “We can sit, or you can order a drink if you’d like. They’re free.”   
  
Siwon picked the table nearest where they were standing, almost missing the seat as he lowered himself into it, he was so absorbed in the surroundings.  
  
The Starbucks looked like any other he’d seen during his life, except where scale was concerned—he realized, when he looked to his sides, that he couldn’t actually see the other ends. There were just tables and tables as far as he could see, some sporting plain wood finishing, some artfully decorated with newspaper clippings or sprinkled with random pastel-colored words and phrases that made no sense but sounded deep and meaningful. Cozy couches and mahogany chairs were plentiful, and along the wall, spaced at about the length of a normal sized room, were doors that seemed to always be flying open to admit more people or let others exit.   
  
And there was, of course, a never ending wood counter, behind which baristas were taking orders and making drinks. Every couple feet were little stations with stirrers and sugar and cinnamon and vanilla, all the usual things.  
  
It was totally bizarre in its normalcy.  
  
Siwon leaned back in his seat, listening to the soft music playing, top 40s at the moment, but, in the tradition of Starbuckses everywhere, flowing into a jazzy piece to keep up the illusion of the coffee shop stereotype.   
  
He turned back to Zhou Mi, who just looked utterly amused at the expression on his face.  
  
“Wait…” He said, trying to work out exactly  _what_  the place was. “If it’s not Heaven… and it’s not Hell… what is it? Where are we now?”  
  
“Think of it as a sort of neutral ground between the two.”   
  
Siwon blinked at him. “So… basically… purgatory is a Starbucks?”  
  
Zhou Mi laughed. “No, not exactly. People don’t wait here until they get placed—well, except for the baristas, but they’re a different story. It’s just simply a place for people to hold conversations, have a drink, watch the sun rise or set…” He smiled knowingly. “And there are… other aspects to it.”  
  
“Like what?” Siwon inquired.  
  
“I expect you’ll find out eventually.” Zhou Mi just waved a hand airily. Siwon eyed him suspiciously, but decided to let it go.  
  
“So people from Heaven can come here too?”   
  
“Anyone can come here,” Zhou Mi said, nodding. “There are Starbucks all over the place in both areas—like two of them every couple of feet, practically. They all lead here. I’m surprised you haven’t seen one.”  
  
“I haven’t been outside much.” Siwon admitted. He’d more or less spent the week hiding inside the apartment he’d been given.   
  
The door nearest to them opened.   
  
“—have fucking  _Starbucks_  here? That doesn’t even make sense—wait, do they have those coffee flavored alcohol shots? I love those.”  
  
“Ah, Zhou Mi.” A voice said wearily.  
  
Siwon turned to see four men approaching them. Three of them looked very stressed. And the fourth looked… familiar.  
  
Siwon stood slowly. The other man locked eyes with him and stopped in his tracks.   
  
It was a very weird feeling—he had no idea where he could have seen the man before in his life, but he knew it wasn’t just a mere passing on the street, or sitting next to him on the subway. This man had affected his life greatly in some way, at some point in time; he just didn’t know how.  
  
The others were watching them.   
  
“What is it?” Zhou Mi asked.  
  
“I know you.” Siwon said in response. He was speaking to the other man, who nodded.  
  
“I know  _you_.”   
  
“Do you know  _how_  you know me?”   
  
“No.” The man continued to stare at him. “Do you?”   
  
“Not a clue.”   
  
“Could it—” Another voice piped up, and Siwon and the other man turned to stare at the person who had spoken. It was one of the other men who’d entered—he wore his hair in a tiny ponytail, and had thick rimmed glasses on. “Sorry, but could the reason you recognize each other maybe have… something to do with the way you died?”  
  
Siwon looked back at the other man. The man looked back at him. Siwon cocked his head to the side.  
  
A split second later, realization hit him like a tidal wave.  
  
“YOU!” He yelped, just as the other man gasped theatrically and pointed at him. “You were the one who—”  
  
“You’re that  _guy!”_ The other man was yelling. “If it hadn’t been for you—”  
  
“You  _pushed_  me—” Siwon gesticulated wildly.  
  
“You weren’t even supposed to  _be_  there! If you hadn’t been there, I’d still be—”  
  
“How was  _I_  supposed to know that?!”   
  
“GENTLEMEN.” Another of the men suddenly said forcefully, effectively ending the tirade of accusations. “Please. This is helping no one.”   
  
“Heechul,” The man in glasses said to the man Siwon had been arguing with, “Let’s sit down.”  
  
Siwon and the man (Heechul, his name must be) made no move to comply.   
  
“Siwon.” Zhou Mi prompted.  
  
Slowly, Siwon walked back to the table, and sat next to Zhou Mi. Heechul and the fourth man in his group, one who looked younger than everyone else, sat opposite them. The man in glasses and the man who’d put an end to the argument pulled two chairs over to the head of the table so they could face everyone.  
  
“Well.” The man in glasses said brightly. “Let’s start off with introductions. I’m Leeteuk.” He pointed to the man next to him. “This is Kibum.”   
  
Kibum inclined his head in greeting.  
  
“One of my messengers, Henry,” Leeteuk gestured at the younger boy, who waved at Siwon. “And finally, this is Heechul.”   
  
Heechul glared at Siwon.  
  
“I believe you two have met.” Kibum added dryly.  
  
“Does this mean they believe me?” Siwon asked Zhou Mi.   
  
“Well, we have reason to.” Leeteuk said. “If you’ll just give us a minute to look over some things, and then we’d like to talk to the two of you…”  
  
Siwon nodded, nervous. He had to be right… right?   
  
Leeteuk and Kibum brought forth some documents seemingly from nowhere and laid them side by side, pouring over them. Leeteuk pointed something out and the other man nodded, and indicated something on his sheet. Leeteuk furrowed his eyebrows.   
  
“That’s…” He hesitated, picking up the paper and bringing it close to his face. He squinted at it. “That’s not what was supposed to happen.”  
  
“No. Not to  _him_.” Kibum said significantly, and Leeteuk raised his eyebrows in surprise and sudden understanding. He grabbed another sheet from the pile, looked back and forth from it to the first one he held, and then finally back to Kibum, eyes wide.  
  
“How on Earth did they manage…”  
  
“I have  _no_  idea.”   
  
Both men looked up at Siwon and Heechul.   
  
“Well?” Heechul asked in annoyance.  
  
“The way you died…” Kibum began.  
  
“I don’t even fucking know how it happened.” Heechul threw up his hands. Siwon shook his head helplessly. “All I know is that  _he_  was there all of a sudden—”  
  
“I was just  _walking_ —” Siwon said defensively.  
  
“That’s the problem.” Leeteuk said. “The two of you somehow… switched your deaths.”  
  
He was met with blank silence.   
  
Siwon broke it. “I don’t understand.”   
  
“We have records of the way everyone is supposed to go.” Leeteuk told him. “The two of you were supposed to die at the same time. And in the same place. Because of each other.”  
  
Heechul snapped around to look at Siwon, eyes burning. Siwon gaped at Heechul.   
  
“Not intentionally.” Leeteuk said quickly. “Right when you’re born, we get a file of everything that is going to happen to you during your life, right up to the time, place, and way you die. Not that you don’t have free will, or anything like that,” He reassured them. “Just… we already know what you’re going to decide to do before you decide to do it.”   
  
Kibum cut in. “See the problem here is… you were both in the  _wrong place_ , but at the  _right time_ … and somehow, Siwon, you killed Heechul by doing whatever Heechul was supposed to do to kill  _you_ , and vice versa. So, you still accidentally killed each other, but you died the way the other was supposed to.  _That’s_  what confused the system.”  
  
Siwon opened his mouth, realized he had nothing to say to that, and closed it again. Zhou Mi looked like something had short-circuited in his brain. Henry just kept blinking.   
  
“… _What?”_ Heechul finally exploded.  
  
“Okay, now, it’s really  _no one’s_  fault, so stay calm—” Leeteuk started to say.  
  
“No, I mean, what the  _fuck_  did he just say?” Heechul demanded, turning to Kibum. “I literally have…  _no_  idea what the hell you just figured out.”   
  
“Yeah, that made… very little sense.” Henry agreed. “Almost none, actually.”  
  
“The point is, yes, it looks like the two of you have been switched.” Kibum summed up.  
  
“Oh.” Heechul said.  
  
“Great!” Siwon beamed, excited and relieved. “So now that you know, you can switch us back!”  
  
Leeteuk and Kibum exchanged glances.  
  
“Uh…” Leeteuk sighed. “Actually…”  
  
“We can’t.” Kibum told him.  
  
Siwon’s expression went from one of unbridled, hope-filled joy to absolute horror in under a half a second.   
  
Everyone else looked anxiously at Heechul to see how he’d take it. He was eyeing one of the baristas. Noticing a lull in the conversation, he glanced over and struggled to look attentive when he found all eyes on him.  
  
“That’s  _terrible_.” He tried. It was unconvincing.  
  
“But  _why?!”_ wailed Siwon.   
  
“You have to understand, this has never happened before!” Leeteuk said hopelessly. “We simply don’t have a  _way_  to switch people after they’ve already been placed—the process is extremely permanent!”  
  
“FIND A WAY.” Siwon bawled. Zhou Mi patted him on the back.  
  
“We will.” Leeteuk vowed.   
  
Kibum sighed. “We’ll try.” He said, shooting the other man a glance.   
  
Leeteuk nodded sadly. “We’ll try.” He amended.  
  
Siwon could feel hope seeping out of him.  
  
“Sooo, about those coffee-flavored alcohol shots…” Heechul ventured after a moment.   
  
Everyone turned to stare at him in shock, and completely missed Siwon, in his despair, slump forward until his face smacked into the tabletop.


	2. Chapter 2

“Siwon. Siwon, come on. Come out.” Zhou Mi said from outside the door, knocking again. Siwon burrowed further under the covers of his bed and didn’t respond.   
  
After a moment, Zhou Mi tried again. “I brought you cake.” He said earnestly.  
  
Siwon pulled the covers back slowly to peer at the door.   
  
“What kind?” He called back.  
  
“Chocolate.”  
  
Siwon considered. He  _did_  like cake. And chocolate cake, delicious in its simplicity, was one of his favorites.  
  
“Well…”   
  
“Siwon, I just want you to  _talk_  to me. That’s all.” Zhou Mi said. “And you’ll get cake on top of it.”  
  
Siwon sighed. “Alright…”  
  
Slowly, he got out of bed and made his way to the door. When he reached it, he hesitated, still toying with the idea of hiding in bed and moping.  
  
“Siwon?”  
  
Zhou Mi sounded so sincere, so intent on helping him, that he caved, and opened the door.  
  
The minute he did, he knew he’d been had.   
  
_There was no cake._  
  
“Don’t let him close it!” Zhou Mi yelled, and another man jumped for the door, forcing his way into the room. Siwon, realizing he’d lost the battle before it had even begun, backpedalled away from the door.   
  
“You  _lied!”_ He yelped, pointing accusingly at Zhou Mi.   
  
“For your own good.” Zhou Mi waved aside the accusation. “We’re taking you out.”  
  
“Out?” Siwon asked, eyes wide. “Out where?”  
  
Zhou Mi made a vague gesture towards Siwon’s window, at the city streets it looked out on (or would look out on, if Siwon hadn’t closed the curtains).  
  
“Out  _there?!”_ Siwon gasped.   
  
“It’s really not that bad.” Zhou Mi said. “Well, we’ll just try to steer away from the really questionable places, for now…”  
  
“No.” Siwon shook his head. “I’m not leaving this room.”  
  
“Siwon, you have to realize, you’re  _stuck_  here. For who knows how long.” Zhou Mi pointed out. “And it could be a  _long_  time. So you might as well make the best of it.”  
  
“You can’t make me do anything!”  
  
Zhou Mi rolled his eyes. “Watch me.”  
  
***   
  
“—and I’m sorry, and I realize you wanted to help, but I just feel really uncomfortable and I’d like to go back.”   
  
“Not happening, Siwon.” The other man said cheerfully. His name was Shindong, and Siwon wasn’t quite sure how he’d managed to end up in Hell—he was an overwhelmingly nice person, although he  _did_  seem to have a penchant for causing trouble.  
  
As the three of them rounded a corner, a door flew open to a large, seedy looking building. A man came stumbling out of it, music blaring behind him.  
  
“And  _stay out!”_ A voice yelled. The man didn’t even try to protest—he just staggered a few steps, tripped, and face planted in the ground.  
  
“Ah, we’re here.” Zhou Mi said, stepping lightly over the man.  
  
“Here?” Siwon gulped.  
  
Shindong and Zhou Mi ushered him inside. As soon as he was through the doors, music so loud it was blasting his face off, air dingy and smoky, Siwon went white.  
  
They’d brought him to a strip club.  
  
Siwon turned and ducked out from Zhou Mi’s arm, trying to make a break for it—he found the way blocked by Shindong.  
  
“Zhou Mi—” He tried, “I—this isn’t—what are you—”  
  
Zhou Mi chuckled. “We’re not staying.”  
  
“What?” Siwon peered around Shindong, judging the distance to the door. “Then why are we  _here?”_  
  
“We’re collecting a friend.” Shindong told him. “It’s not really safe for him to walk around the city alone.” He said, pointing toward the stage. Siwon looked.  
  
As it turned out, the people dancing on stage were not, as he’d assumed from his first quick glance, women.  
  
“Ah.” Siwon said faintly.   
  
The other two started moving toward the stage with purpose. Siwon thought he might die (figuratively) right there and then, but then noticed a burly, shifty looking man leering creepily at him from a corner—he hurried after the others. Shindong managed to shoulder his way through the crowd, Zhou Mi and Siwon following in his wake, until they were nearly right at the stage.  
  
“HYUKJAE!” Shindong yelled. The man on the part of the stage nearest to them looked over. Shindong pointed to his watch.   
  
The man (Hyukjae, Siwon guessed) grinned and then looked away, back at the crowd. As far as clothing went, he wasn’t dressed the part, Siwon thought—not that he frequented strip clubs enough to know what they usually wore there, or anything, but this was not what he would have pictured. Hyukjae’s thin white t-shirt was slightly too big for him (although when he moved, it seemed to cling to his skin), and he was wearing plain jeans (albeit, very tight-fitting, low-slung jeans).   
  
He languidly raised a hand in the air, like he was stretching, arching his back, and his t-shirt rode up and his jeans dragged even lower over his hips, exposing a lot of pale, smooth skin, and Siwon swallowed and looked away. Apparently, there were effective choices for wardrobe out there besides assless chaps.  
  
The man lowered his hand, to brush his fingertips over his lips, trail them over his throat, and then, torturously slow, drag his hand down the front of his body. There were hoots and whistles from the crowd.   
  
“Is that it?!” Someone shouted impatiently from the crowd, causing Hyukjae to roll his eyes teasingly… and then sink to his knees, getting an even  _louder_ reaction from the crowd. He leaned back on his heels, knees spread apart, and pulled up the hem of his t-shirt, running his hand over his flushed skin, dipping his fingers past the hemline of his jeans, his head tipping back, eyes closed—  
  
And then he looked back up, laughingly, popped fluidly onto his feet, and turned his back on the crowd.   
  
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” The same guy who’d yelled earlier exploded. The rest of the crowd seemed to be in similar states of anger. Hyukjae glanced back, one hip cocked to the side, shirt falling alluringly off one shoulder. He winked, waggled his fingers goodbye, and sashayed off stage.   
  
Shindong was cackling. “This is why it’s not safe for him to be alone.” He told Siwon, as he surveyed the reactions of the crowd. “Let’s go.”  
  
A minute later, they were standing in a foggy back alleyway, waiting for Hyukjae. A door opened on shrieking hinges, and the man stepped out of them, now dressed in a worn, grey, short-sleeved hoodie (he wore it with the hood up), and baggier jeans.   
  
“Hey,” he said, smiling easily. “We better go, before they come looking for me.”  
  
They made their way out of the alleyway, Siwon trailing a little ways behind the others, wondering how he’d ended up in such company. Eventually, Zhou Mi thought to formally introduce him to Hyukjae.  
  
“Pleased to meet you.” Siwon said as they shook hands. Hyukjae didn’t let go.   
  
“Enjoy the show?” He asked innocently.  
  
“Wha—” Siwon choked. “No—I mean, yes—I mean—that’s not what I meant.” He attempted to formulate a non-embarrassing response. "You were very goo—” Damn.  
  
“Hyukjae,” Zhou Mi said, as Shindong doubled over laughing, “He’s not…”  
  
“Oh.” Hyukjae said. “That’s a shame.”  
  
“No,” Zhou Mi shook his head. “He’s not supposed to be here.”  
  
Hyukjae stared. “What?”   
  
“He was misplaced.”  
  
_Oh_ , Hyukjae mouthed in understanding. “Sorry about that.” He said to Siwon. Siwon inclined his head awkwardly.   
  
They walked along in silence for awhile. Hyukjae fell into step beside Siwon at the back of the group. Up close, off the stage, he looked much younger.  
  
“Hyukjae…” Siwon hesitated. Would it be weird to ask…? He decided no one he’d met so far seemed to have any shame, so he went ahead. “How old are you?”  
  
Hyukjae furrowed his eyebrows, looking a little confused. “I don’t know.”  
  
“I mean, how old  _were_  you. When you… you know.”  
  
“Oh,” Hyukjae thought for a moment. “I think… around twenty. Nineteen or twenty. Why?”  
  
“I just wondered. You’re so young. But you’re...” Siwon cast around for the right words. “Here.”  
  
“Yeah, well.” Hyukjae smiled slightly, eyes trained on the ground. “I guess that’s my own fault. My profession…”  
  
“You ended up in Hell because… because you were a stripper?”   
  
Hyukjae shrugged. “I was… something like that.”  
  
Siwon felt a surge of pity for the boy. “But… it can’t have been your fault. Surely you did it out of necessity… to survive—”  
  
“No.” Hyukjae shook his head, and then looked up at Siwon suddenly. There was no trace of the sweetness, or the innocence—his eyes were hooded, and Siwon was suddenly aware of how close they were standing.   
  
Hyukjae licked his lips.   
  
“It made people think I was harmless.” He breathed, leaning closer.  
  
“Hyukjae!” Someone said abruptly. Siwon whipped around. The others were staring at them, expressions betraying various degrees of amusement. Shindong snapped his fingers. “No.”  
  
Hyukjae sighed and pulled back, eyes still locked on Siwon. “Alright, alright.” He cast Siwon a sidelong glance, before turning a bright smile back on the others. “Where are we going?” He called.   
  
“I thought, maybe Nicky’s?” Zhou Mi offered. “It’s tamer there.”  
  
“Sounds good.” Shindong agreed.  
  
Nicky’s, it turned out, was a karaoke bar. It was definitely lively, but as far as Siwon could tell, there was nothing  _too_  unsavory going on.  
  
“Siwon, you want anything to drink?” Zhou Mi asked.  
  
“Just a coke…” Siwon said distractedly. The person up to the mic right then was truly awful, but he couldn’t help grinning. It didn’t get any more normal than this.   
  
They settled down in a booth that had a clear view of the stage, and Shindong and Hyukjae immediately began a running commentary of the people going up to sing.  
  
“Oh, no,” Hyukjae said, as a man drunkenly approached the stage, “Why, Crazy Tom? Why do you always have to sing?”  
  
Siwon snorted into his glass. “Crazy… Tom?” He spluttered.  
  
“He  _always_  goes up. I see him  _every time_  we come here.” Shindong said mournfully, as the horribly familiar melody of an old 90s pop song started up.  
  
“Shit, I like this song, too.” Hyukjae groaned.  
  
“You would.” Zhou Mi sipped his drink, looking amused.   
  
“Mi, you should go up there one of these times.” Shindong urged, but Zhou Mi shook his head, as Crazy Tom wailed off-key into the mic, “I’m a… _slaaaaave_ … for  _you!”_ Everyone winced.   
  
“You sing?” Siwon directed the question at Zhou Mi, finding himself drawn into the conversation—it was like being out with his friends back when he was alive, and the familiarity was comforting. What was more, he was finding that he actually liked the three of them.  
  
“Used to.” Zhou Mi shrugged modestly.   
  
As Crazy Tom started in on the dance break, Siwon decided to put aside his pride, and begged, “Please. Go up there.” Shindong nodded earnestly, while Hyukjae shook Zhou Mi’s arm petulantly.  
  
They spent the rest of the night trying to convince Zhou Mi to sing, laughing at the contestants, and daring each other to perform the most outrageous songs in the karaoke book (although it took Shindong and Hyukjae less convincing and more simply mentioning a song before they shot over to the stage to go for it). Once they got enough alcohol into Zhou Mi, he reluctantly took the stage, and the other two were right—he  _could_  sing.   
  
Siwon sat back in the booth, laughing at Shindong and Hyukjae’s overenthusiastic praise as Zhou Mi rejoined them, looking embarrassed.   
  
“Hey, Siwon,” Shindong said easily later on, “We’re thinking of going to this club a couple miles away tomorrow night. You in?”  
  
“Sure.” Siwon said before he could stop himself, and the other three grinned. He couldn’t help it. He grinned back.  
  
And then realized what he was doing. Oh, crap. He couldn’t start liking them. Not now.   
  
And yet… like Zhou Mi had said, he was stuck here for an indefinite period of time.   
  
Siwon took another sip of his coke (now spiked, but he’d pretended not to notice). 

Might as well.


	3. Chapter 3

“Can I come out now?”  
  
Henry sighed. “Ah… no. Not… not right now.”  
  
There was silence for a blessed few seconds.  
  
Then: “What about now?”  
  
Henry thudded the back of his head against the door he was leaning against.   
  
“No, Heechul. You still cannot come out.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because…” Henry hesitated.  
  
The correct answer was, simply, that Henry had been given direct orders from Leeteuk not to let Heechul out of his house. It had taken awhile for it to come to that. But after Heechul had successfully terrorized what seemed like half the Heavenly population, as Henry ran after him like a beheaded chicken, completely powerless to stop him, they’d decided enough was enough. When Heechul had finally retired to his second floor bedroom, worn out after a full day of tomfoolery, they’d fixed the door to lock from the outside.   
  
Needless to say, Heechul hadn’t been happy.   
  
“Well?” Heechul demanded.   
  
Henry stood decisively. “I’m going to go talk to Leeteuk.” He told Heechul. “Maybe we can work out a compromise, or something.”  
  
“Fine.” Heechul called, pouting, as Henry began descending the steps. “I’ll just sit here. Waiting.”  
  
Ten minutes later, Henry was knocking on Leeteuk’s door.  
  
“Come in,” came the customary response.  
  
Henry stepped inside the office to find that he was not the only one who’d decided to drop by.  
  
“Oh,” he said apologetically. “Am I interrupting…?”  
  
A second angel, much bigger than either he or Leeteuk (and with a huge sword hanging at his side), looked over.  
  
“No, no,” Kangin said, motioning him inside. “Leeteuk was actually just talking about you.”   
  
Kangin was one of those few angels who still thought of The War (the one wherein Lucifer had tried and failed to take over Heaven) in fond terms—he’d been a soldier in that war, and retained his fighting spirit and flaming sword—although at the moment, said sword was not on fire. Leeteuk would have been upset if he set the paperwork alight.   
  
Though not a true guardian angel, Kangin was occasionally assigned watch over great military leaders to keep him busy. He’d been off duty for the past couple decades, however, and could often be found loitering in Leeteuk’s office—the two were very good friends.  
  
Kangin grinned. “Having problems with one of the newcomers?”  
  
“That’s what I came to talk to Leeteuk about.” Henry admitted.   
  
“Oh, no,” Leeteuk said fearfully, “Did he get loose?”   
  
Henry shook his head. “Not yet, but… he’s definitely getting tired of that room.”   
  
“I do feel bad about keeping him cooped up in there.” Leeteuk sighed. “Perhaps we could talk to him, explain a bit better how things work up here… no one’s really taken the time…”  
  
Henry severely doubted the effectiveness of this plan, but said, “I guess we could.” Kangin cheerfully decided to accompany them, and the three of them set off through Heaven for Heechul’s house.  
  
Heaven, like Hell, was a massive and never-ending space that defied all real-world perceptions.  _Unlike_ Hell, it wasn’t one level, but many—the ground, which looked solid, supported all the office buildings and homes and other structures, but here and there it narrowed to winding pathways that dropped off to nothingness on the sides. If you looked up or down, you could see more levels, and branching streets, on which people gathered and talked. Every now and then, a long set of stairs connected two of the levels together. There was, as far as anyone could tell, no discernible first or last level. It just kept going.  
  
The sun was shining bright as always, glinting off the white cobblestones in the road. Still, it wasn’t the harsh sunlight of midday, but the golden, buttery sunlight that starts in the warming morning, or closes out the end of the afternoon on a long summer day, shining just beyond the clouds. They walked past fountains where birds sang and bathed in water that was as gold as the light that shone on it. A group of children ran by, screaming and laughing. One of the kids, not watching where he was going, ran straight off the edge of one of the pathways. He dropped to the one below it, shrieking with delight all the way, landed on his behind, bounced up like he’d landed on a trampoline, and continued running. A group of older angels nearby shook their heads in fond disapproval.  
  
The heart-warming scene did nothing to brighten Henry’s mood. “Have you heard any news about Siwon?” he asked as they walked.   
  
“Only that he’s less trouble than Heechul.” Leeteuk said. “But that’s to be expected, I mean… it’s not like he would run about and try to make everyone act  _good_ , would he? Apparently, he’s sort of dropped off the radar. But Kibum says Zhou Mi always knows where he is.”  
  
“And there’s still no word on whether you’ll be able to switch them or not?” Henry realized he sounded a little desperate, but in all honesty, the idea of following Heechul around for the rest of eternity scared him.   
  
“None that’s encouraging.” Leeteuk turned to Kangin to explain. “I’ve been working with Kibum—Kim Kibum from the Hellish Misfortunes department, you remember—we’ve been trying to sort out this whole misplacement business. It’s a nightmare, everybody will be talking about how I screwed this up for  _eons_ —”  
  
“Leeteuk, don't beat yourself up, you’re still new! You’ve only  _been_  head of the department for, what, four thousand years?” Kangin said comfortingly. “And from what you’ve told me, it was a very confusing situation.”  
  
“It only makes it  _worse_  that it’s happened right after I was appointed.” Leeteuk said miserably. “It makes it look like it’s my fault—which it probably is, I’m not trying to shift blame, or anything… it’s just…”  
  
“It’ll be alright,” Kangin reassured him.   
  
They’d reached Heechul’s house. Henry pushed open the front door, the other two following behind him. He could hear Leeteuk worrying behind him as he climbed the stairs.  
  
“…and none of the lesser demons want to have to sort through all the paperwork, so  _that’s_  brought us to a standstill,” he was saying, as Henry reached Heechul’s bedroom door. He knocked.  
  
“Heechul?”  
  
“But all of that practically doesn’t matter, because there’s simply no formal procedure in place to  _start_  with—”  
  
Henry knocked again, louder. “Heechul? Are you awake?”   
  
“There’s always the chance that this Heechul guy will just cause so much trouble, Heaven will  _have_  to send him back down,” Kangin said optimistically. “And then there’ll be no reason Siwon can’t come up.”  
  
Hearing no response from Heechul, Henry tried to unlock the door—only to find that it wasn’t locked. His heart jumped into his throat. Unwillingly, fearing what he would find, he opened the door a crack to peer inside the room. Slowly, he turned back the other two.  
  
“Henry?” Leeteuk asked, catching sight of his face. “What—”  
  
“Heechul.” Henry choked out. “He’s  _gone_.”  
  
***  
  
“So Leeteuk had you locked up, huh?” the younger man trotting along at Heechul’s side asked cheerfully. “Good thing I came along and rescued you.”  
  
Heechul rolled his eyes. “I’d’ve gotten out somehow.”  
  
The other man snorted. “Yeah, all that shouting would have attracted the attention of some  _other_  person, who would have then taken pity on you.”  
  
“Uh huh,” Heechul said. “What did you say your name was, again?”  
  
“Sungmin.”  
  
“ _Well_ , Sung _min._ ” He paused. “You are right. But the point is—I  _still_  would have gotten myself out if that had happened.”  
  
“True,” Sungmin agreed. “But then you wouldn’t have as good a tour guide as me.”  
  
Heechul smirked. This was also true. Sungmin was the only person he’d come across so far who didn’t seem to be afraid of him—in fact, he had been more excited to meet Heechul than anything else. And Heechul was so glad of any company that could provide him a little fun that he wasn’t going to argue over the little things.   
  
They were headed back to the Starbucks, which Heechul thought was a little anti-climactic after his great escape, but Sungmin was on the way to meet some of his friends, and Heechul was holding out hope that any of Sungmin’s friends might be as interesting as he was.   
  
The door to the Starbucks tinkled as it opened.   
  
“Sungmin!” someone called.   
  
“There they are,” Sungmin motioned for Heechul to follow him. Two men sat in a booth close to the door, waving them over.

“Everyone, this is Heechul,” Sungmin said as they reached the table, “Heechul, that’s Ryeowook, he’s from Heaven.” He gestured to the smaller of the two men, who waved smilingly. “And Yesung. He’s from down below.”   
  
This peaked Heechul’s attention. “Wait, from Hell?” He asked. “But you all talk to each other?”  
  
“Sure,” Sungmin said, grabbing a seat as Ryeowook scooted over for him. “It is a little rare, though. But Yesung’s too tame for Hell, anyway, and everyone knows I barely got into Heaven, and Ryeowook’s nice to  _everyone_ , so—”  
  
He was cut off as Heechul started to sit, and chaos erupted. Yesung dove forward for no apparent reason, Ryeowook yelled, “Wait, no!”, and there seemed to be a sudden mini-explosion right underneath Heechul’s butt.   
  
“What the  _fu_ —“ Heechul yelped, so startled that he missed the seat and ended up on the floor.  
  
“Perfect,” a voice said, sounding extremely ruffled, “Just perfect, don’t introduce me,  _don’t_  warn him that he’s about to sit on me—”  
  
Heechul hauled himself upright, caught one glance at the tabletop, and stared. “What the hell is that?”   
  
 _“That_  has a name, you know,” the voice said. “It’s Kyuhyun.”   
  
Heechul stared even harder. Standing on the table, straightening his tiny black suit, dwarfed by Ryeowook’s tall latte, was a man.   
  
“What.” Kyuhyun said, staring impassively back at Heechul, who was finally beginning to pull himself off the floor.   
  
“You are like, two inches tall,” Heechul said bluntly.  
  
“Three-two, actually,” Kyuhyun replied. “Three inches, two centimeters. I’m actually quite tall for a shoulder being.”  
  
“A what?”  
  
“A shoulder being. Haven’t you ever heard of shoulder angels and devils?”  
  
“…Sure.” Heechul nodded.   
  
“I’m a shoulder devil.” With the same “poof”-ing noise from before, and a puff of red smoke, Kyuhyun disappeared and reappeared on Sungmin’s shoulder.   
  
“I haven’t seen any since I got here.” Heechul said, fighting the urge to reach across the table and poke Kyuhyun as the tiny man sipped from a microscopic Starbucks cup. “But I guess you’re all so small…”  
  
Kyuhyun looked put out.   
  
“Heechul, do you want anything to drink?” Ryeowook asked diplomatically. Heechul shook his head, the question reminding him of something that nagged at him every time he saw the Starbucks sign around Heaven.  
  
“So, why a Starbucks?” he asked conversationally, as Sungmin went to get a drink.  
  
“What do you mean?” Ryeowook asked.  
  
“I mean,” Heechul waved his hands vaguely, “why does this place exist?”  
  
“Well, it used to be a McDonald’s, but all the demons started complaining about obesity rates going up in Hell and stuff,” Yesung said, rolling his eyes.   
  
“So they changed it to Starbucks,” Ryeowook added. “I don’t see how that’s any better, the whipped cream isn’t exactly cutting back on calories… but I suppose the decor is nicer.”  
  
 _…but why a McDonald’s?_ Heechul wondered. 

Just then Sungmin returned with his peach-mango iced tea and Ryeowook asked, “Heechul, you must be from Heaven to have come in with Sungmin. Did you just die?”  
  
“Yeah,” Heechul said, used to the question and all its variations. “But technically, I’m not from Heaven.” He leaned forward importantly. “I was  _misplaced_.”  
  
The reactions were about as dramatic as he could have asked for. Ryeowook gasped, Sungmin shouted, _"Bullshit!"_ , and Yesung spilled hot coffee into his lap, and began swearing. Even Kyuhyun looked sympathetic.   
  
“No way…” Sungmin breathed, after a second. “Is that why Leeteuk locked you in?”  
  
“I expect so.” Heechul said airily, wondering if Sungmin would now realize the true consequences of his actions.

Sungmin said, “Cool!”  
  
Apparently not.   
  
“So, how are they going to get you to Hell?” Yesung asked.   
  
“No one knows.” Heechul shrugged. “And they don’t know how they’re going to get the other guy back to Heaven, either.”  
  
“There’s  _two_  of you?” Ryeowook said, sounding horrified.   
  
Heechul took great pleasure in explaining the situation in terms that made it sound far worse than it actually was, and spent the rest of the conversation fielding questions from the other four. Eventually, Yesung realized the time, and announced that he and Ryeowook had to head back to work.  
  
“They’re elevator operators,” Sungmin explained, as the two threw away their trash. “You must have taken an elevator to get to Heaven, right? They’re the only direct way back and forth between Heaven and Hell. Most people only get to see the inside of one once, but I guess you may be one of the few who ends up in one again. If they can send you down, that is.”  
  
“It’s highly unlikely, though.” Kyuhyun added helpfully, from his perch on Sungmin’s shoulder.  
  
***  
  
After suffering what would undoubtedly have been a full blown heart attack, were he alive, Leeteuk had ordered Henry and Kangin to “Find Heechul. I don’t care what you have to do, just find him.”  
  
The two of them had split up and gone haring off in opposite directions—but, even as they did, Henry had to admit that it was highly unlikely they were going to find Heechul if he didn’t want to be found. Heaven was just too big.   
  
 _Unless_ …  
  
It took him awhile to remember where the house was, but after twenty minutes of wandering, he found it.   
  
“DONGHAE!” He called, banging on the front door, hoping fervently the other angel was home, “Donghae, I really need your help!”  
  
The door swung open, and another angel, barefoot and clad in slouchy pajama pants, blinked bemusedly at him.   
  
“Hi, Henry,” he said, after a moment. He seemed to have just woken up, judging by the state of his hair. This was confirmed as he yawned, and stretched the pair of gigantic wings on his back.  
  
Unlike most other angels, Donghae really  _did_  have wings, symbol of his guardian angel status. He had ways of getting around that were faster than most.  
  
“I need you to help me find someone,” Henry said, “before Leeteuk goes crazy.” And he explained about Heechul.   
  
“No problem.” Donghae said, grinning, and stepped outside. With a single leap and a rush of wings, he soared upwards, pivoting in the air to look down at Henry. “I’ll come get you when I find him!”  
  
“Find him as fast as you can, please!” Henry begged. Up in the air, Donghae winked, flashed him a victory sign, and zoomed away.  
  
Dejectedly, Henry followed after him at a much slower pace.   
  
“I hope this works.” He grumbled.  
  
***  
  
Sungmin and Kyuhyun had just left. Heechul sat idly examining his nails for a moment, bored again, before glancing over at the long drinks counter.   
  
One of the baristas caught his attention, namely because he was staring back quite blatantly. Heechul recognized him as the same one he’d been eyeing up that first time he’d been to the Starbucks.   
  
Well, if drinks  _were_  free…  
  
He made his way over, feigning disinterest, and stared at the menu. The man looked at him expectantly.  
  
“Can I get a…” he considered, “…venti Vanilla crème frappuccino? With half and half? And extra whipped cream?”   
  
The barista gave him a look that quite clearly said  _you must have a really fast metabolism_ , which caused Heechul to worry momentarily about whether he could, in fact, get fat in the afterlife.   
  
Outwardly, he just smiled, and licked his lips. The barista raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Hi,” he said. “I’m Hankyung.”  
  
Just then, there was a loud commotion further on down in the Starbucks. They both turned to look.   
  
Flying rapidly towards them, swooping, wheeling in the air, and generally causing a panic, was a person. A person with  _wings_.   
  
Hankyung looked genuinely confused. Heechul, on the other hand, realized his time had just been cut short.  
  
“Damn,” he said.   
  
The angel brought himself up just short of smacking straight into Heechul. The gust of wind from his wings blew Heechul’s hair back.   
  
“Hi!” He said. “I’m Donghae.”  
  
“Let me guess.” Heechul said. “Leeteuk sent you.”  
  
“No,” Donghae shook his head, “Henry did. Stay here until I go get him, okay?” He requested.   
  
“Uh.” Heechul blinked.   
  
“I’ll be right back!” Donghae called over his shoulder as he blew out the nearest set of doors, knocking drinks askew.   
  
“That was…” Heechul stared after the angel. “That was not what I expected him to do.”  
  
“I assume that’s in relation to your whole ‘misplacement’ problem?” A voice said from behind him. Heechul turned back to face Hankyung. The other man grinned, and passed him his drink.  
  
“How did you know about that?” he demanded.  
  
“I listen.” Hankyung shrugged. “We’re good at that. The baristas, I mean. And anyways, you weren’t exactly being quiet about it.”  
  
Heechul ignored the last statement. “So what, you guys are all afterlife counselors, or something?”   
  
“Sort of. We’re just here if you need to talk to us.” Hankyung said, resting his elbows on the counter and leaning forward. Heechul mirrored the movement, smirking. Their noses were almost touching.  
  
“So, you’re just going to sit here until they come for you?” Hankyung asked.  
  
“Yup.” Heechul said. “Maybe I can make a scene. Nothing better to do, anyway.”  
  
“Most people would be happy they lucked out like you. Ended up in Heaven.”  
  
“Truthfully?” Innocently, Heechul took a sip of his frappuccino. “I’m bored. Heaven is boring as… well, as hell.”  
  
Hankyung laughed, and Heechul couldn’t help but smile—an actual genuine smile.  
  
A set of doors several tables away burst open, and Donghae was back, and Henry, Leeteuk, and Kangin along with him. Heechul sighed.  
  
“That was fast.” Hankyung grinned. “You must be causing a lot of trouble.”  
  
“Guess so.” Heechul agreed. “Not nearly as much as I could, though.” He gave Hankyung a very obvious once-over. “Do you always work this shift?” He asked quickly. Judging by the sounds of hysteria to his left, Leeteuk had spotted him.   
  
“I’ll be here anytime you are.” Hankyung answered.   
  
“HEECHUL!”  
  
“Time’s up.” Heechul pushed away from the counter slowly, saying casually, “I  _might_  be back.”  
  
Leeteuk strode up then, gesturing wildly, and Heechul waved goodbye to Hankyung as he was hustled away forcefully. The last thing he saw, as the doors swung shut behind him, was the grin that flitted across the other man’s face.  
  
It seemed, he hoped, that death had just gotten a little less uninteresting.


	4. Chapter 4

The ceiling of his room really was very interesting, Siwon thought to himself, laying flat on his back on the floor and staring up at it. The designers had really gone to town with the stucco, it formed all sorts of interesting patterns…  
  
Wait.   
  
He sat up abruptly and pain stabbed through his skull. He winced.  
  
“Bad idea.” He lay back down again, having gathered the necessary information from his brief glance around the room to ascertain that this was  _not_ , in fact,  _his apartment_ , and what was more, he seemed to be surrounded by unconscious people. Shindong’s elbow was jabbing him hard in the back.   
  
With great effort, he struggled to recall the events of the night before—there had been another club, and very loud music, and he was fairly sure Hyukjae had slipped something alcoholic into one of his soft drinks.  
  
At this thought, Siwon hurriedly glanced downward as best he could. Well. At least he was still wearing his pants this time.   
  
To summarize, it was just another club. Just another party. He couldn’t remember how long he’d been in Hell, and now that he thought about it, he was fairly sure that this was partly the fault of all these nights out—they were crazy and wild and  _fun_ , and he’d long since stopped resisting the enjoyment because it seemed like there was no other way to really stay sane.   
  
Still, they were in hell, not heaven, and just because he was dead apparently didn’t mean there were no such things as hangovers. On the heels of this realization came a wave of nausea, and, headache be damned, Siwon scrambled to his feet and ran for the bathroom.  
  
Ten minutes later he was out of the apartment, head still pounding, teeth gritted against the pain. It really was a bit too warm in Hell, all the time, and all he wanted was to lie down in a bed and pretend he wasn’t there anymore.  
  
Except…  
  
“Except it hasn’t been so bad lately, has it?” He muttered to himself. The truth was, it hadn’t. He honestly was having more fun in death than he’d ever had in his life. But that only carried so far. He wasn’t particularly having that much fun at the present moment, because he still felt like he was dangerously close to throwing up again—and for a second he stopped to consider what life would be like if this was it, for eternity.   
  
Another club, another party, another hangover. And again. And again.   
  
Suddenly, his sickness seemed to have little to do with alcohol poisoning.   
  
He arrived back at his apartment, fumbled for his keys, unlocked it, and stepped inside.  
  
“What—?”  
  
He froze.   
  
Instead of staring at the inside of his small apartment, he found himself looking at the inside of the Starbucks.   
  
At a loss for what to do, Siwon snapped the door shut again, and stood there, gaping.   
  
“What just happened?” he asked, of no one in particular.   
  
He took a step backwards and squinted up, looking for the Starbucks sign. He was pretty out of it, maybe he just hadn’t noticed… but no, he’d used his keys, this was definitely his apartment. Suspiciously, he peered at his door again.  
  
“…Let’s try that again,” he said, and cautiously reinserted the key in the lock, and turned it. He peeked inside—  
  
Starbucks.   
  
Siwon yelped, slammed the door shut, and stared hard at the doorknob, as if it would give him the answers he sought.   
  
Was he going crazy? Could you  _go_  crazy when you were dead? Was that even possible? Was he hallucinating, as a byproduct of the numerous mixed cocktails he’d consumed the night before?  
  
He was so intent on these and other questions that it took the sound of a blender whirring behind him, perhaps in the process of mixing a drink like a Vanilla frappuccino or some other caffeine delight, to jolt him out of his trance.   
  
Siwon whirled around, flattening himself against the door, eyes wide.  
  
 _He was inside the Starbucks._  
  
“WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?!” he cried in horror, yanking open his apartment door and diving into his apartment—  
  
—which wasn’t his apartment at  _all_ , but the Starbucks again.  
  
Siwon stood absolutely still, eyes darting from side to side. The doors. That must be it. There was something wrong with the doors. His eyes landed on a window.   
  
Freedom!  
  
He sprinted towards it, leaping off a table and scattering drinks in his wake. Several people yelled after him angrily, but he ignored them, clambered over the back of a sofa, and threw himself headfirst out of the window.   
  
It wasn’t the doors.

Siwon found himself sailing  _back through the same window_  somehow, flying through the air, and landing with a loud and undignified crash on the same table he had just upset when he’d used it as a springboard.   
  
Incensed, the people sitting at it got up with loud protests and angry hand gestures. Siwon lay sprawled on the table, breathing hard, fighting to keep his panic under control. He glanced around, and saw the drink counter.  
  
There were windows behind it.   
  
Hadn’t Zhou Mi said the baristas were special, or something? That they were different from other people?   
  
Functioning as poorly as it was at the moment, Siwon’s brain agreed with him, and moreover, seemed to feel that maybe trying the windows behind the counter wasn’t such a bad idea.   
  
He leapt to his feet again, dashed for the counter, vaulted over it, jumped for the window—  
  
—and a hand grabbed the back of his shirt collar and he jerked backwards with a strangled gagging noise, landing on his back on the floor. Dazed, he stared blearily above him. Someone leaned over him, and a face came into view.  
  
“Would you calm down?” The man asked. “You’re starting to cause a bit of a scene.”  
  
“What’s going on?” Siwon slurred. “Am I—”  
  
“You’re not going crazy,” the man said, hauling him to his feet. “But you  _do_  have a problem, and I’m going to help you fix it.”  
  
“…Thanks.” Siwon said, trying not to blink excessively.   
  
“Don’t mention it. I’m Hankyung, by the way.”  
  
***  
  
“So,” Siwon said, as Hankyung set a mug of coffee down in front of him. He took a long swig and promptly gagged. “I— _wow_.”  
  
“You said strong.” Hankyung said, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“I feel like I just got kicked in the esophagus.” Siwon spluttered.   
  
“I make strong coffee.”   
  
“Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.” Siwon said, taking a much smaller sip from the mug. “So, anyway…  _that’s_  why I’m here? Because I have a problem?”  
  
“If you keep ending up here, then yeah.” Hankyung said. “That’s kind of the ulterior motive of this place. If someone is having problems or issues or something, in Hell or Heaven, they just get sent here. It’s sort of a safeguard—makes sure people are happy, and… you know. Not thinking of starting a war.”  
  
“Right, because that ended badly last time.” Siwon observed.   
  
“Exactly. So, now that we’re all cleared on that…” Hankyung leaned his elbows on the counter. “What’s the problem?”  
  
“Oh.” Siwon said. “You guys—the baristas—are like the bartender.”  
  
Hankyung blinked. “Excuse me?”  
  
“The bartender. Like in movies?” Siwon gingerly took another sip of coffee. “They always know exactly what to say when the main character is drinking himself into oblivion because he’s conflicted over something or other.”  
  
“Well, yes.” Hankyung nodded. “That’s us in a nutshell.”   
  
Siwon stared down at his drink. “Okay, then. Here’s my problem. I’ve been misplaced.”  
  
Hankyung straightened up and stared at him. “Heechul.” He said.   
  
“No, my name’s Siwon, remem—wait, how do you know about—”  
  
“I’ve met him already.” Hankyung told him. “A few months ago, actually. He stops by from time to time.”   
  
“A few… it’s been  _months_?” Siwon asked disbelievingly. Hankyung grinned wryly at him.  
  
“Time flies when you’re having fun?”  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does.” Siwon said broodingly. He took another gulp of coffee—this time, he seemed too preoccupied to notice the taste. Hankyung watched him for a minute.  
  
“The misplacement isn’t your problem.” He said, finally.  
  
“It’s not my—” Siwon repeated, half laughing in surprise. “Hankyung, it’s  _all_  my problems. I can’t think of a bigger problem I have had, or ever  _will_  have—”  
  
Hankyung shook his head. “It’s not your problem, because if it was, you’d be in here with no chance of leaving.”  
  
“What do you—?”  
  
“Technically, you’re  _existing_  in a state of ‘misplacement’.” Hankyung pointed out. “So if it was your problem, you’d permanently be stuck here. You can’t leave until you’ve got your problem figured out, remember?”  
  
“Oh.” Siwon considered this. “Well then… what’s my problem?”   
  
Hankyung looked at him for a moment, while he fidgeted.   
  
“You don’t know?”   
  
“No! I mean, aside from the fact that I’m stuck in  _Hell_ —”  
  
“Siwon, do you  _like_  being in Hell?”  
  
Siwon’s mouth fell open. He stared at Hankyung for several seconds, and then closed it again. He sighed.  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“Ah.” Hankyung nodded slowly. “I think we may have found our problem.”  
  
***  
  
It had taken a long time to get Siwon sorted out. In fact, he still wasn’t completely sorted out, but at least he was more at peace with the way things were.   
  
In the end, it had become apparent that what Siwon felt was mostly regret—regret for having died so young, and regret for not having done a little more while he was alive; in short, regret for not having lived life a little more… badly. In all honesty, Hankyung thought it was something of a small mercy that Siwon had ended up in Hell. On the other hand…  
  
“He’s never going to get to Heaven,” he sighed to himself, as he crushed the ice for an iced tea.   
  
He hated to be pessimistic, and he hadn’t mentioned anything to Siwon because the other man had been unhappy enough, but he knew, with sad certainty, that it was true. Neither Heaven nor Hell worked that way. They were too long-lived, and it was too easy to get screwed over by one or the other. People already rightfully living in either place were fine, but the baristas had been blessed (or cursed, as the case may be) with a little more foresight because of their position.  
  
Hankyung couldn’t remember who he’d been when he was alive, because it had been too long. And he wasn’t the only one. Being a barista was more of an eternal sentence than anything else—sure, every once in a million years, literally, one of them would get sent up or down, but only because that was what was supposed to happen. The people in charge had to follow through occasionally.  
  
Siwon and Heechul were never supposed to happen. And because of that, there was no guarantee that anyone would know how to deal with them, and because of  _that_ , there was next to no chance they ever  _would_  be dealt with. They would just fade away, until neither of them even remembered they were in the wrong place anymore. Hankyung strongly suspected that they wouldn’t actually be the first; he'd long thought that this was what had happened with Sungmin, but Sungmin was so cute that nobody in Heaven had objected.   
  
Heechul, on the other hand…  
  
Hankyung grinned. Heechul’s sporadic visits had become the highlight of his afterlife, which Heechul knew and Hankyung didn’t try to deny.  
  
The door jingled, and Hankyung looked up, half expecting to see Heechul standing there, smirking, like he always did. To his surprise, he saw Leeteuk, looking forlorn. He sat down dejectedly in front of Hankyung.  
  
“Drink?” Hankyung offered. Leeteuk shook his head.  
  
“Advice.” He sighed. “You know everything that happens around here, Hankyung.”   
  
Hankyung smiled. “That’s a fair assessment.”  
  
“I assume you already know about the misplacement problem?”   
  
“I’ve talked to both of them.”  
  
Leeteuk rubbed his eyes tiredly. “It’s not going to happen, Hankyung,” he said quietly. “We’re not going to be able to switch them.”  
  
“I know.”   
  
“You  _know_?” Leeteuk repeated in disbelief.  
  
“I guessed.” Hankyung said, shrugging. “But my guesses have gotten pretty good.”  
  
Leeteuk sighed. “What should I do?”  
  
“I don’t know yet.” Hankyung told him. “But I’ll think of something.”  
  
***  
  
The next surprise visit came about a week later, from Zhou Mi. The messenger was rather distraught.   
  
“He was doing fine for awhile!” He said, and Hankyung thought he glimpsed the beginnings of tears. “But I don’t know, something changed, and now he seems just as unhappy as he was before.”  
  
“I talked to him a little while ago, he’s just… trying to figure things out.” Hankyung said. “He’s coping.”  
  
“Hankyung, I know you’re really good at what you do, so don’t be offended,” Zhou Mi said, “But I don’t think he’s coping very well.”  
  
***  
  
“I just feel sort of… I don’t know… guilty,” Sungmin said sadly, sipping his tea. “I know Heaven seems like it would be good for most people, but Heechul… I don’t think he likes it very much.”  
  
“Yeah, he’s mentioned how bored he is… a few times.” Hankyung said. Heechul complained about how bored he was about ninety percent of the time he was talking.   
  
“More than that, I mean…” Sungmin considered. “People are supposed to be happy in Heaven, right?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Heechul’s not.”  
  
***  
  
“Hankyung,  _I beg of you_ ,” Henry said wildly, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him close. “You  _have_  to help me get Heechul switched back—I can’t take it anymore—”  
  
Hankyung patted him on the back, and attempted to loosen Henry’s stranglehold on his shirt. “Henry,  _Henry_ —it’s okay. I’m going to try to help.”  
  
***  
  
“Still no improvement then?” Hankyung asked worriedly.  
  
Both Hyukjae and Shindong shook their heads. “Not much.” Shindong said. “He came out last night, but I think that was just to keep us all from worrying too much.”   
  
“He didn’t even drink!” Hyukjae added frustratedly.  
  
Hankyung smiled. “Listen… Siwon’s not really  _from_  Hell, remember? You’ve got to give him a break. I mean, I don’t even think most people  _in_  Hell can party like you can.”  
  
“But we all thought… we thought he was doing okay.” Hyukjae said.  
  
“The problem, I think,” Hankyung said thoughtfully, “is that’s what Siwon thought too.”   
  
***  
  
Hankyung stared in confusion back and forth between Ryeowook and Yesung.   
  
“So… why are you two here, again?”  
  
Yesung gave a long-suffering, melodramatic sort of sigh. “Ryeowook feels  _bad_.” He said.  
  
“So do you!” Ryeowook accused.   
  
“Well, yeah, but—”  
  
“Bad about  _what_?” Hankyung interrupted.  
  
“The misplacement thing.”  
  
“But  _why_?” Hankyung asked. “You’ve only met Heechul  _once_ , right?”  
  
“I’ve met Siwon.” Yesung said.  
  
“It’s just that…” Ryeowook hesitated. “We’re elevator operators. I just keep thinking, maybe if we’d known, we could have…”  
  
“You couldn’t,” Hankyung said immediately. “Don’t blame yourself Ryeowook, that’ll just lead to all sorts of problems. This wasn’t your fault.”  
  
“I just wish we could help them.” Ryeowook said.  
  
Hankyung considered him. “Maybe you can.”  
  
The other two looked at him in surprise.  
  
“In fact…” Hankyung said slowly, “In fact, I think the two of you could be the perfect people to help.”  
  
“We are?” Yesung asked.  
  
“Yes. And could you do me a favor? The next time one of you sees Kyuhyun, could you ask him if he’ll talk to Siwon? And then come talk to me?”  
  
***  
  
“So I met the Siwon kid.” Kyuhyun said nonchalantly. He was sitting comfortably on Hankyung’s shoulder.   
  
“Did you?” Hankyung responded, tone equally neutral.  
  
“Yeah. I don’t know how the hell they misplaced him, he seemed kind of obvious, didn’t he?”   
  
“How so?”  
  
“Well,” Kyuhyun paused. “You know, I think I’ll have a latte, do you think you could—”  
  
“Coming right up.”  
  
“Great. Anyway, he’s just so  _good_ , don’t you think?” Kyuhyun said. “It’s kind of throwing off everyone’s game, a little bit. He’s bringing everyone down. I think we need to get rid of him.”  
  
Hankyung passed him his drink carefully—the cup was so small he had to hold it with tweezers. “You want to help him, don’t you?”  
  
“Wha—” Kyuhyun stood up in indignation, pointing a finger angrily in Hankyung’s face. As Kyuhyun was standing on his shoulder, this resulted on Hankyung nearly getting his eye poked out when he turned his head to look at the shoulder devil. “How dare you accuse me of—of—”  
  
“Wanting to do the right thing?” Hankyung smirked.  
  
“Yes!”   
  
“It’s alright, Kyuhyun, I won’t tell anyone.”  
  
***  
  
“Strongest cup of coffee you’ve got. Black. No sugar.” Kangin said, sitting down heavily.  
  
“Kangin?” Hankyung blinked. He rarely saw the warrior angel in Starbucks, because he claimed the drinks were too “fruity”. Nevertheless, he set a steaming mug down in front of Kangin a minute later. Kangin drank it without blinking.  
  
“I’ve been talking to Leeteuk.” Kangin finally said, after he’d drained the mug. “He’s worried about the whole—”  
  
“—misplacement problem, yeah.” Hankyung filled in.  
  
“Right. Well, it’s been bothering me too, lately. First, because Heechul’s a royal pain in the ass. Second… because it doesn’t feel right. Leaving them stranded.”  
  
“No, it doesn’t.” Hankyung said calmly. Kangin rolled his eyes.  
  
“Don’t give me that wise old sage crap.” He said. “You’ve got a plan.”  
  
Hankyung grinned. “Yeah. I do.”  
  
***  
  
Several people shrieked and ducked as Donghae flew through the doors, flaring his wings and coming to a stop where Hankyung worked. Hankyung smiled and turned to face him.  
  
“I heard you’re trying to help Heechul get out of—”   
  
“Keep your voice down!” Hankyung cautioned. “And yes, I am.”  
  
“I want to help, too.” Donghae said determinedly.  
  
“Good.” Hankyung told him. “Because we’re going to need you.”  
  
***  
  
“Hankyung.”  
  
Hankyung looked up from the glass he was cleaning and straight at Kibum.   
  
“I was wondering when you’d show up.” Hankyung said, smiling.  
  
“I’ve been hearing some things from Zhou Mi…” Kibum said warily.  
  
Hankyung hesitated. Kibum wasn’t as nice as Leeteuk and the other angels, and he was definitely more rule abiding then the other Hell dwellers. He would be harder to convince.   
  
“Look, I didn’t want to come to the Starbucks. But it won’t let me get into my office and I’ve got some paperwork I need to see to, and I figured this was about the misplacement thing so just… help me.” Kibum said abruptly.  
  
“Did Zhou Mi tell you about the plan?”  
  
“There’s a plan?”  
  
“There’s kind of a plan.”  
  
“Well, what is it?”  
  
“No one really knows yet.” Hankyung said. “It’s in the works.”  
  
Kibum stared. “You have a plan… that’s only kind of a plan… that no one really even knows yet… to orchestrate one of the biggest undertakings in the history of Heaven or Hell?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Kibum sat back in his chair. “Well,  _I’m_  sold.”  
  
“Look, Kibum, with all due respect, we could do this without you.” Hankyung lied.  
  
Kibum raised an eyebrow.  
  
“But…” Hankyung continued, “It would be much, much better if we could do it with you. And I think you know that. And I think that’s why you’re here.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“If you’re feeling so conflicted about it, it’s not because you  _don’t_  want to help, obviously, because then you’d just have said no, and to Hell with it.” He leaned forward. Kibum met his eyes. “It’s because you  _do_  want to help. So now you’ve just got to come to a decision as to whether you will or not.”   
  
Kibum looked down at the counter. “Zhou Mi’s helping with this, isn’t he?”  
  
“Yes, he is.”  
  
Kibum sighed. “I really should fire that man.”  
  
“Come back here in a week if you’re with us on this. Everyone will be here.” Hankyung went back to cleaning the glass. “Otherwise, you never heard any of this.”  
  
After a moment, Kibum said, “Okay.”  
  
***  
  
A week from that conversation, Hankyung found himself ferrying a never ending stream of drinks to the small army that had turned up at his station. Yesung and Ryeowook had shown up first, with Kyuhyun sitting on top of Yesung’s head and amusing himself by kicking Yesung in the forehead every few seconds; Sungmin had turned up next, and Hyukjae and Shindong walked in a second later—unsurprisingly, Sungmin and Hyukjae got along very well; Donghae entered and was promptly ordered to keep his wings to himself by several patrons who had experienced the chaos he caused one too many times; Leeteuk and Kangin came in together.   
  
Last to arrive were Henry, Zhou Mi, Heechul, and Siwon. It was the first time Heechul and Siwon had been face to face since their last meeting. Everyone watched them apprehensively, remembering, or at least having been informed of, their less than friendly feelings towards each other.  
  
Heechul walked straight up to Siwon, who said nothing.   
  
“So I hear we’re getting put back where we belong.” Heechul said.  
  
“Yeah.” Siwon agreed.  
  
“You believe it?”  
  
“I want to.”  
  
“Then let’s do it.” Hankyung said. Everyone looked at him.   
  
“Shouldn’t we wait for Ki—” Zhou Mi started, but Hankyung shook his head.  
  
“He’ll either show up, or he won’t. Either way, we’ll do it.”  
  
“So what’s this fantastic plan of yours?” Heechul asked dryly, sitting down in the center of the group. Wordlessly, he moved over so Siwon could sit next to him. Hankyung took a deep breath.  
  
And then he explained.  
  
When he was finished, everyone stared. Finally, Donghae said,  
  
“I don’t get it.”  
  
Hankyung sighed.   
  
“I do,” said Kyuhyun, who had stopped kicking Yesung about halfway into Hankyung’s explanation and instead just stared incredulously. “And, excuse me, but  _are you crazy?!”_  
  
“Maybe a little.” Hankyung admitted.   
  
“You know, I’m all for a bit of recklessness,” Kangin said doubtfully, “but this is… this is something else, Hankyung.”  
  
“Can someone please explain what’s going on?” Heechul asked. Ryeowook looked similarly confused. Siwon just stared at his hands.  
  
“I think it’s good.” Hyukjae said excitedly. Shindong smacked him in the back of the head.   
  
“You would.” He said exasperatedly.  
  
“I think it is, too.” Sungmin added. Shindong reached over and smacked him, too.  
  
“ _I_  think we should rethink this.” Henry said, with a nervous glance at Heechul.  
  
“There’s no way,” Leeteuk breathed. “No way we’ll be able to pull that off.”  
  
“Yes, we could,” someone said quietly. Hankyung looked up. His eyes widened.   
  
Kibum was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.   
  
Zhou Mi stood up awkwardly.  
  
“Kibum—” he said guiltily. “I…”  
  
“It’s fine, Zhou Mi.” Hankyung said. “I told him to come.”  
  
“Sorry I’m late.” Kibum said.  
  
Hankyung grinned. “How much did you—”  
  
“All of it,” Kibum answered. “It could work.  _If_  we go about it the right way.”  
  
“We?” Hankyung asked, smile widening.  
  
“Yeah. Count me in.” Kibum looked around at all of them. “Count all of us in. Because that’s the only way we’re going to be able to do this.”  
  
“But if we…” Ryeowook said nervously, “If we get caught, we’ll be in  _so_  much trouble. We could get… I don’t know, kicked out of heaven, or something!” He turned wide eyes on Leeteuk. “ _Could_  we get kicked out of Heaven?”  
  
“No.” Leeteuk said immediately, but he looked worried.  
  
“Doesn’t matter for us.” Hyukjae said, indicating the rest of his group.  
  
“Oh, yes it does,” Zhou Mi said darkly. “Don’t forget the lower circles, Hyukjae.”  
  
At this, Hyukjae deflated. “Oh yeah…”  
  
“You don’t think they’d send us down  _there_ —” Yesung choked.  
  
“ _No_.” Kibum said, without a trace of doubt. “And don’t forget, Leeteuk and I hold a certain amount of clout in either of our administrations—”  
  
“Speak for yourself.” Leeteuk muttered.  
  
“—so we can vouch for you. That’s our role in all of this, isn’t it, Hankyung?” Kibum asked, meeting Hankyung’s eyes. Hankyung nodded.   
  
“I still think this plan is crazy,” Kyuhyun said.  
  
“And I’m not disagreeing with you,” Hankyung shrugged.  
  
“Fools rush in where angels fear to tread,” Kangin warned. Hankyung turned to him.  
  
“Would you rather be foolish?” he asked. “Or scared?”  
  
Kangin looked over at him, straightening unconsciously. Hankyung thought he saw Kangin’s sword spark, and hid a smile.   
  
“Okay.” Heechul interrupted, looking at Hankyung. “Are we doing this?”  
  
Hankyung met his eyes. “We’re  _definitely_  doing this.” 


	5. Chapter 5

Zhou Mi raised his hand to Siwon’s door, hesitated for a moment, and then knocked.  
  
“Come in,” a nervous voice said.  
  
He pushed open the door to the room. Siwon looked up at him anxiously. He was perched on the edge of his bed, facing the opposite wall.   
  
“How long have you been sitting there?” Zhou Mi asked, trying to grin at him.  
  
“Only… a couple hours or so. It’s time?”  
  
“Yeah. Kibum just sent me for you.”  
  
Siwon stood slowly. “Where are we meeting Shindong and Hyukjae?”   
  
Zhou Mi held the door open for him, following behind him as they stepped out into the streets. Hell seemed darker than ever, that night; more sinister. “I’m going to take you as far as I can, and then they’ll take over.” He said, his voice low. “I’d come with you, but I can’t be seen. It would lead to really incriminating questions—and if it gets traced back to Kibum—”  
  
Siwon nodded wordlessly.   
  
“It’ll be fine.” Zhou Mi said. “You’ll be fine. The plan’s going to work.”  
  
“Only Hankyung and Kibum seem to have any faith in the plan.” Siwon said morosely. “And you, apparently, but I have a feeling you’re just saying that to make me feel better. And Hankyung is obviously crazy, so that leaves Kibum.”  
  
“Kibum’s not crazy.” Zhou Mi said firmly.  
  
Siwon narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Are we sure about that?”   
  
“It will be  _fine_.” They turned down an alleyway.  
  
“I just realized something.” Siwon said suddenly.   
  
“What?”  
  
“How are we supposed to get there? I mean, I know I don’t live that far, and we’ve been pretty much everywhere during the past couple months and I’ve never actually seen it again—”  
  
He broke off as Zhou Mi shushed him frantically.  
  
“Sorry!”  
  
“People are  _not_  supposed to know this is happening, remember?” Zhou Mi hissed. “If someone hears you mention the—” He looked around furtively. “—the  _elevator_ , they’d—”  
  
“I know, I’m sorry!” Siwon repeated. “But  _why_  haven’t I seen the place again? I mean, it was like walking out of an inkwell or something, I remember—and I think people would have noticed a gigantic black cloud floating around or whatever it was…”  
  
“It’s because…” Zhou Mi hesitated. “Nobody knows this, but I guess since you’ll be out of here it doesn’t matter if I tell you…”  
  
“I won’t say anything.” Siwon said.   
  
“It’s pretty simple, actually.” Zhou Mi shrugged. “You can’t see it because you’re not authorized to.”   
  
“…Oh.” Siwon said. “But then… how will I be able to see it now?”  
  
“You won’t. Not until you’re inside it. And you won’t be able to get inside unless I put you there.”   
  
“And the elevator is somewhere in the cloud?”  
  
“Yeah.” Zhou Mi paused. “And there’s a couple of guards.”  
  
Siwon’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “ _Oh,_ ” His voice sounded somewhat shrill to Zhou Mi. “Just a  _couple of guards_? Which we  _won’t be able to see_?”  
  
Zhou Mi winced apologetically. “Yeah, basically.”  
  
“So we’ve got to find the elevator and get past the guards… while we’re totally blind.”  
  
“If it’s any consolation, I think they can only see  _you_  when you get near the elevator.”   
  
“So they just see total darkness until we get close to them.”  
  
“Exactly.”  
  
“Okay, one, what’s the point of having guards if they can’t see anything, and two, that’s just perfect, since they’ll only be able to see us when we’re  _within striking distance_.”  
  
Yeah, but after you get past them, you’re  _done_!” Zhou Mi said brightly. Siwon stared.  
  
“What does Heaven have?!”  
  
“Uh, well,” Zhou Mi hesitated, “Since it’s Heaven, I would assume their elevator is in the middle of like, a really bright light, or something.”  
  
Siwon threw up his hands. “Oh, well,  _that’s_  a challenge!”  
  
“What’s a challenge?” A voice asked, and Zhou Mi jumped about three feet in the air and spun around, clutching his heart.  
  
“Shindong!” He yelped.   
  
“You guys might want to keep your voices down,” Hyukjae added, coming up alongside them. “I think everyone heard you telling Siwon what we’re going to try to do—”  
  
“Are you serious?!”  
  
“No.” Shindong said, while Hyukjae grinned. “But the expression on your face right now is hilarious.”  
  
Zhou Mi glared at them. “We’re almost there. I suggest we stop talking about this now.”  
  
“So what exactly is our plan for how we’re going to get me  _on_  the elevator?” Siwon asked.   
  
“ _That’s_  you not talking about it anymore?”   
  
“Relax.” Hyukjae said, waving his hand airily. “That’s why we’re here, remember?”  
  
“Yeah, but I don’t see what you’ll be able to do if we can’t see an inch in front of our faces—”  
  
“We’re here.” Zhou Mi announced tensely, stopping any conversation in its tracks. He knew that none of the others could see the black haze that towered directly in front of them. He turned to Siwon. “Alright. The three of you, I’m just going to give you a little nudge and… well, you’ll know when you’re inside it.”  
  
Siwon looked at the cloud (which he couldn’t actually see), and then back at him.   
  
“Thanks.” He said. “For everything.”  
  
“It’s my job.” Zhou Mi said.   
  
“Illegally smuggling someone out of Hell isn’t part of your job.”  
  
“I’m supposed to be your guide around Hell until you get used to it. Technically, I’m still doing that. And anyway, who cares about my job? Besides, I won’t get fired unless Kibum fires me. Or unless we both get exiled to the lower levels, and an eternity of torment, in which case, getting fired won’t exactly be…” He trailed off, then grinned. “Hey. I’m your friend first, right?”  
  
Siwon smiled shakily at him. “Yeah.”  
  
Hyukjae and Shindong looked back and forth between them.   
  
“Sooo…” Shindong said slowly, “What? Do you guys need to shake hands, or hug, or…”  
  
Zhou Mi glared, and took advantage of his pause to shove him and Hyukjae hard in the chests, sending them stumbling backwards into the cloud.   
  
“A little nudge?” Siwon raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“Oh, just GO.” Zhou Mi said in exasperation.   
  
Siwon stepped up to the edge of the cloud. “See you around.” He said.   
  
Zhou Mi laughed. “Hopefully not.”   
  
With a slight wave, and a deep breath, Siwon took a step forward.  
  
***  
  
“I can’t see a  _thing_!” Sungmin shouted in frustration. He had a hand up to shield his eyes, but they were still watering profusely.   
  
Heechul had both hands pressed to his eyes. Kangin was prodding him forward, turning him slightly to the left or right every couple steps.   
  
The light was blinding; it was nearly unbearable. Since Henry had left them ten minutes ago and they’d stepped into it, Heechul and Sungmin hadn’t been able to do anything more than squint painfully at what was in front of them.  
  
Kangin was slightly better off, although Heechul had a feeling it was just because the warrior angel didn’t want to complain.   
  
“Should we be hurrying?” Sungmin asked. “We’ve only got about ten minutes before Ryeowook opens the doors.”  
  
“It can’t be much further,” Heechul said. “I only walked for about fifteen minutes to get out of here, and Henry said it doesn’t matter which direction we walk—we’ll still get to the elevator.”  
  
“I don’t remember it being this bright when I got here,” Sungmin said. “But that was a pretty long time ago…”  
  
“I don’t think it was, either.” Kangin said, voice sounding strained. “I think it’s because we’re not supposed to be here.”  
  
“Isn’t that delightful?” Heechul asked, voice dripping with insincerity.   
  
“Sungmin?” Kangin prompted. “Think it’s time for you to…”  
  
“Yeah.” Sungmin said. “Wait here.”  
  
Sungmin strode off purposefully into the light. In seconds, Heechul couldn’t see him anymore.   
  
“Where’s he going?” He asked anxiously.  
  
“Sungmin’s got a bit of a reputation around here,” Kangin answered. “As soon as the guards see him, they’ll be on alert. He’ll draw them back to us. Then I’ll take care of them.”  
  
“Sungmin can’t  _see_  anything,” Heechul pointed out. “How will he know to come back this way?”  
  
Kangin considered this.   
  
“Luck.”  
  
“Oh my God, I hate you all.”  
  
***  
  
“WHO GOES THERE?” A voice boomed out of the darkness.   
  
Siwon, Hyukjae, and Shindong all froze.   
  
“They can’t see us yet, they must have just heard us.” Siwon heard Hyukjae whisper. He couldn’t see the other man, though he knew he was standing right beside him. “Stay off to the side.”  
  
“There  _aren’t_  sides.” Shindong reminded him tensely.  
  
“Shut up!” Siwon hissed.  
  
“Just stay here.” Hyukjae breathed.   
  
“Stay—” Siwon began, then swiped the air next to him. There was no one there. “Hyukjae!” He rounded on Shindong. “Where did he—”  
  
“To distract them, I assume.” Shindong said.  
  
“By doing what?”   
  
“Uh… you know. By doing what he does best.”  
  
Siwon thought about this. “Shindong.”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“What if the guards… don’t swing that way?”  
  
“…Then I guess they’ll still be pretty distracted.”  
  
***  
  
“We should move closer.” Heechul said. It had felt like ten minutes since Sungmin had gone, they were going to miss the window of opportunity… “Just so that it’s a shorter run for him, in case he veers off in the wrong direction, or something—”  
  
Kangin shushed him.   
  
“What are we listening for?” Heechul asked.  
  
As if on cue, someone started yelling.  
  
“That.” Kangin said, and drew his sword in one swift motion. “Here we go!”  
  
The shouting was getting louder, there were pounding footsteps now—Heechul thought he could make out an indistinct figure heading towards them—and suddenly, Sungmin blurred into view, running flat out, yelling his head off.   
  
“KANGIN, NOW!”  
  
_THWACK! THWACK!_  
  
There were two muffled thumps, a brief cry, and then silence. Heechul squinted against the light, trying to figure out what had happened.  
  
Two large angels lay face down on the ground in front of him. They were clearly unconscious, knocked out by the flat of Kangin’s sword blade. Heechul stared at Kangin.  
  
“Well done.”  
  
“Thanks.” Kangin said, sheathing his sword again.   
  
“This way, hurry!” Sungmin said urgently. He grabbed Heechul’s arm and pulled him forward, almost at a run, Kangin following right behind them. In a minute, they’d reached the elevator—it seemed to materialize out of thin air, two large silver doors appearing from nowhere.   
  
They stopped in front of them.  
  
“Now what?” Heechul asked.   
  
There was a gentle  _ding_ , and the doors slid open.  
  
“Get in, get in,” Sungmin said, as Kangin prodded him through the doors.   
  
Heechul nodded. “Thanks for this.” He said, and meant it. The doors began to close.  
  
“Bye Heechul!” Sungmin called, waving as hard as he could.   
  
The doors shut.  
  
***  
  
There was a strangled yelp from up ahead. Siwon looked hurriedly looked over at Shindong (or in the vicinity of where he thought Shindong was).   
  
“That didn’t sound good,” Shindong said.  
  
“No,” Siwon agreed.   
  
“Alright, you stay here and—”   
  
_Ding_.  
  
“Oh, crap,” Shindong said.  
  
“Please tell me that wasn’t the doors opening,” Siwon said.  
  
“It was. COME ON!”  
  
They ran forward, blind for the first few seconds, before Siwon realized suddenly that he could see his own feet pounding on the ground. Another couple of seconds, and he could make out Shindong’s outline, running a little in front of him. It was getting brighter.  
  
The doors were indeed open, and the elevator itself was lit from within. By the time they were within twenty feet of it, they could see quite clearly.   
  
One of the guards, who looked supremely un-amused, had Hyukjae by the throat and was lifting him several feet off the ground. The other guard was looking in every direction, clearly alarmed by the open doors. His eyes widened as Siwon and Shindong came barreling out of the darkness towards him.  
  
Shindong body checked the second guard, and they both went sprawling. The guard strangling Hyukjae stared in total shock for a second, and Hyukjae took advantage of his lack of concentration to knee him in the crotch. He crumpled to the floor. Hyukjae hit the ground hard on his back, coughing. Siwon helped him to his feet.  
  
“Siwon!” Hyukjae choked. “Get inside!”  
  
“Are you okay?!” Siwon asked frantically, glancing behind him at Shindong, who was still scuffling with the other guard. As he watched, Shindong headbutted the other man, knocking him out cold.  
  
“I’m fine.” Hyukjae said, shoving him towards the doors. “We’ve got to leave now, just go!”  
  
Siwon stepped inside, the doors closing behind him almost immediately.  
  
“Good luck!” Hyukjae yelled to him, as they pressed shut.  
  
***  
  
Heechul leaned against the wall of the elevator, his eyes closed.   
  
“I hope Siwon got on,” he grumbled.   
  
“Me too!” Another voice said emphatically. Heechul shrieked, and fell over.  
  
“Donghae?!”  
  
The guardian angel waved at him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
  
“How did you  _get_  here?” Heechul asked from the floor. Donghae shrugged.  
  
“I just thought about being on the elevator, and now I am.” He said. “That’s how it works.”  
  
Heechul climbed back to his feet. “How what works?”  
  
“Being a guardian angel.” Donghae explained. “I just think about where I want to be, and I’m there. I guess it’s a good thing you got on the elevator, huh?”  
  
Heechul nodded. Part of the plan, Hankyung had emphasized, was getting Leeteuk to assign Donghae to him for the time being, because he was the only one who could accompany Heechul on the elevator. Now he knew why.  
  
“Hang on.” He said. “If you can teleport anywhere, why do you always fly?”  
  
Donghae grinned. “Flying’s more fun.”  
  
There was a whirring sound, and then a gentle lurch as the elevator began moving.  
  
***  
  
“Finally,” Kyuhyun said grumpily, “These elevators are so slow, it’ll take us at least ten minutes to get to Heaven.”  
  
The shoulder devil had popped up in the air in front of Siwon’s face a minute earlier.   
  
“Since it’s going to be a long ride,” Kyuhyun said. “Mind if I sit on you?”  
  
“Uh… no.” Siwon said. “Go ahead.”  
  
“Thanks.” Kyuhyun settled on his shoulder.  
  
“So why are you here, exactly?” Siwon asked after some time had passed.  
  
“In case something goes wrong.” Kyuhyun explained. “Nobody else would be able to come with you and then get back to Kibum fast enough to tell him something happened.”  
  
“But I’m already on the elevator.” Siwon said. “What could go wrong now?”  
  
“A lot of things.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
_Ding._

The doors opened, leaving Siwon and Kyuhyun staring at the inside of the Starbucks.  
  
“Like… that.” Kyuhyun said.   
  
***  
  
“What the  _hell?!”_ Heechul shrieked. “Why are we here?!”  
  
“This… wasn’t part of the plan, right?” Donghae asked in confusion.   
  
Two seconds previous, the elevator had deposited them in the Starbucks.   
  
“NO!” Heechul yelled.  
  
“Uh oh.” Donghae said. “I better go let Leeteuk know.”   
  
“You do that.” Heechul said through gritted teeth, as panic began to settle. Donghae disappeared in a puff of white smoke.   
  
“ _Heechul!”_ Someone shouted, and Heechul spun around to see Siwon racing towards him.   
  
“Oh, this is not good.” He said.   
  
“I don’t know what happened,” Siwon hissed. People were starting to stare. “Kyuhyun’s gone to tell Kibum—”  
  
“Yeah, Donghae just left.” Heechul grabbed Siwon’s arm and steered him forward, trying to look calm. “Keep walking until you see Hankyung.”  
  
***  
  
Leeteuk drummed his fingers on his desk. There was probably something he was supposed to be doing, paperwork of some kind, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything. Henry was sitting across from him, brow furrowed. Leeteuk wished Kangin and Sungmin would hurry up. He just needed news, something to let him know what was going on…  
  
_POOF!_  
  
Leeteuk and Henry both jumped as Donghae materialized right in front of the desk.   
  
“Donghae!”  
  
“We’ve got a problem!” The guardian angel said, eyes wide.  
  
“What?!”  
  
The door burst open and Kangin and Sungmin rushed in.   
  
“We did it!” Sungmin said triumphantly.  
  
“Took out the guards no problem and just got him on the elevator—” Kangin said, and stopped midsentence, noticing Donghae for the first time. “Why is Donghae here, what happened.”  
  
“The elevator didn’t get anywhere!” Donghae said. “Heechul’s in the Starbucks!”  
  
***  
  
“He’s  _where_?” Kibum growled. Standing around him, Zhou Mi, Hyukjae, and Shindong looked horrified.  
  
“The Starbucks,” Kyuhyun repeated, sounding pained. “I knew, I  _knew_  this plan—”  
  
“ _Damn_ that coffee shop!” Kibum said in exasperation. “I thought he had all his issues sorted out!”  
  
“Apparently not.” Kyuhyun said dryly.   
  
Kibum pushed himself out of his chair. “Come on, all of you.”  
  
“What are you going to do?” Zhou Mi asked, following on his heels. “What  _can_ you do?”  
  
Kibum snatched his long black coat from the coat rack and whirled it over his shoulders. He glanced back at the others.   
  
“Let’s go find out, shall we?” He said. “Kyuhyun, go tell Yesung and Ryeowook we’re still in the game.”  
  
***  
  
“Siwon? Heechul?” Hankyung asked in bewilderment as the two men raced towards him. “What—”  
  
“We’ve got a problem and we need it solved  _NOW_.” Heechul said. “The Starbucks won’t let us out.”  
  
Hankyung closed his eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding—”  
  
_BAM! BAM! BAM!_  
  
The doors up and down the room flew open, banging off the walls. People streamed in through them—people who looked both mean and angry. The room exploded into chaos.  
  
“NOBODY MOVE!”   
  
“EVERYBODY SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!”  
  
Hankyung grabbed Heechul and Siwon by the front of their shirts. “Get over here!”  
  
They both scrambled over the counter as fast as possible and hid behind it, hoping no one would notice in the commotion.   
  
“Who the hell is that?!” Heechul hissed.  
  
“My guess is law enforcement.” Hankyung said. He directed a severe stare at the other two. “Start talking.”  
  
***  
  
“WHAT THE  _HELL_  IS GOING ON?!” Yesung yelled in frustration, slamming his fists on the desk so hard it shook. Ryeowook yelped, and stuck his head out from under it.  
  
“Could you  _not_  do that while I’m under here?” He asked, frowning. “And actually, you shouldn’t do that at all. It could damage some of the equipment.”  
  
“Sorry,” Yesung muttered.   
  
The elevator operation room was actually a connected series of small, high-tech looking control rooms, for the other various elevators scattered throughout Heaven and Hell. There weren’t very many, because people seldom went any further than the Starbucks, but occasionally, important people would need to appear to the Living, or else have a word in-person with someone in the other realm. Yesung and Ryeowook, as the operators of the Main Elevators (the ones that brought the newly dead to Heaven or Hell), worked in the very last of the rooms.   
  
The other control rooms were empty. They were usually unmanned anyway, and the Main Elevators were the only ones that ever saw a lot of use.  
  
“Well, as far as I can tell, there’s nothing wrong with the elevators.” Ryeowook said, as he crawled out from under the desk, which housed the control panel for the elevators. Above it were two large monitors, with fuzzy gray-blue pictures showing the inside of the elevators. Yesung had been panicking ever since the monitors had shown the elevators jerking to a stop, and Siwon and Heechul exiting them. Ryeowook had been slightly less useless, and had been trying to figure out what had gone wrong.   
  
He shook his head in confusion. “I even tried turning them off and on again, but they’re just stuck.”  
  
“Of course there’s nothing wrong with the elevators,” Yesung said in exasperation. “It’s this damn  _plan_. Something must have gone wrong  _out there_ , but it would be really helpful if someone could fill us in on what’s—”  
  
“Well, we basically got screwed with our pants on,” Kyuhyun said as he appeared out of nowhere on top of Yesung’s head.   
  
“Kyuhyun, what’s—”   
  
“The elevators jammed at the Starbucks.” Kyuhyun told them. “Hopefully, they had enough sense to go looking for Hankyung.”  
  
“You’re only just telling us  _now_?!” Yesung shouted.  
  
“It’s been like, two minutes, calm down.”  
  
“What are we supposed to do?” Ryeowook asked.  
  
“Don’t know yet.” Kyuhyun said. “But according to Kibum, we’re still going to try to pull this off.”  
  
***  
  
“I think I see them!” Leeteuk yelled, pointing ahead as they raced down the long aisle of the Starbucks. Kangin ran next to him, Henry on their heels, and Donghae flew overhead. They’d entered a door rather far away from the spot Siwon and Hankyung had turned up. “No, wait… who are all those people?”  
  
“Oh,  _damn_ ,” Kangin said. “I think it’s the Hands of God. The ones in white.” He sucked in a breath. “Which would make the demons in black the Hounds of Hell.”  
  
“They must know what’s going on.” Leeteuk said, sounding horrified. “Where’s Kibum? I can delay the Hands of God, but the Hounds will laugh in my face.”  
  
***  
  
Crouched down behind the counter, Hankyung pulled Siwon and Heechul further up the line, trying to put some distance between them and the law. Several baristas looked down bemusedly, but no one said anything—they would almost never interfere in the business of another barista, especially if he or she was counseling someone, and it was obvious that Hankyung was doing some very frantic counseling just then.  
  
From the other side of the counter, the Hands and the Hounds were clearly causing havoc. People were screaming and running, and every now and then, there was a loud, distinct crash that sounded like a table being violently overturned.  
  
“I don’t know what’s wrong!” Siwon was saying helplessly. “I’ve been trying to get to Heaven this whole time, I don’t know what—”  
  
“To be fair,” Hankyung said, pausing to glance over the counter briefly before ducking back down, “That’s not exactly what Hyukjae tells me.”  
  
Heechul raised his eyebrows at Siwon, who looked uncomfortable.   
  
“Well… alright, well, I won’t pretend there weren’t times I enjoyed myself.” Siwon admitted. “But I’ve told you all this already, and in the end, I  _do_  want to go to Heaven. It’s what I’ve wanted this whole time.”  
  
Hankyung nodded slowly. “And Heechul, you want to go to Hell, right?”  
  
Heechul snorted. “As much as anyone can ever  _want_  to go to Hell, I suppose…”  
  
Hankyung stared. “Heechul, are you telling me you  _don’t_  want to go?”  
  
***  
  
“…and you know, I really think we’ve got it under control, so why don’t you all just, er… leave?” Leeteuk finished hesitantly.  
  
He was gazing up imploringly into the face of the Chief of the Hands of God, an angel of giant proportions named Maion. Maion stared back, unimpressed. Leeteuk avoided even looking at the Chief of the Hounds, a brutish demon with the face of a hog, who went by the name of Morthag. He was holding a huge, spiked club.  
  
As Leeteuk had anticipated, Morthag erupted into snorts of laughter.   
  
“You think you’ve got it under control?” He sneered. “Then, do tell, where are the little escape artists, eh?”  
  
“Where, oh  _where_ ,” Leeteuk muttered under his breath, “is—”  
  
The door in the wall right next to him banged open.  
  
“Kibum!”  
  
“Sorry, got here as fast as I could.” Kibum said briskly. Shindong and Hyukjae trailed in after him, trying to look casual. Kyuhyun popped into existence by Shindong’s shoulder. “Ah, Morthag, good, good…”  
  
Morthag saluted begrudgingly.  
  
“What’s the situation?”   
  
“We got wind of the break out attempt about ten minutes ago, sir.” Morthag reported. “They were using the elevators, but there was some kind of malfunction and we tracked ‘em here. Naturally, we’ve sent some of our men to the elevator operation room, just in case.”   
  
For the briefest of moments, Kibum’s eyes flicked to Kyuhyun. The shoulder devil vanished again. Morthag didn’t seem to notice.  
  
“We were just starting to search the Starbucks when  _he_  showed up, sir.” Morthag said, lip curling as he looked at Leeteuk.  
  
“He’s only doing his job, Morthag.” Kibum said tolerantly. “Now, why don’t we all just talk things over for a minute…”  
  
***  
  
“Of course, we were just as surprised as everyone else was!” Yesung was saying, gesturing wildly. “I mean, imagine  _our_  shock when people came crashing into the elevators, trying to do who knows what!”  
  
Ryeowook nodded enthusiastically.  
  
They were both backed up against the control panel of the elevators, facing a very disgruntled group of both Hands and Hounds, none of whom looked like they even slightly believed them.  
  
“Right,” one of the white-clad angels said. “So then, how did they get the elevators to actually start moving?”  
  
Yesung and Ryeowook glanced at each other.  
  
“No idea,” Yesung said.  
  
“Haven’t the slightest clue,” Ryeowook shook his head.  
  
At that exact moment, there was a puff of red smoke right in front of Yesung’s face, and Kyuhyun appeared, his back to the small crowd of law enforcers. He launched into a tirade.  
  
“The Hands and the Hounds are already on it! They’re in the Starbucks already. Leeteuk and Kibum are there, they’re trying to hold them off for as long as they can while Heechul and Siwon get sorted out, but I came up here to tell you that they’ve sent people for you two as well!”   
  
“Yeah...” Yesung said dryly, as Ryeowook put his face in his hands. “We know.” He pointed.  
  
Kyuhyun turned around.   
  
“Oh.”  
  
***  
  
The chat with the Chiefs was going well—the investigation of the Starbucks was effectively stalled and, Leeteuk felt, he had managed to get in a few valid, intelligent sounding comments during the flow of conversation. Morthag, at least, wasn’t sneering at him as frequently as before, and Maion had even once nodded respectfully at him.  
  
It might have continued on that way with the whole situation resolved peacefully, at that moment, one of Maion’s men, followed swiftly by one of Morthag’s, hadn’t burst through the door, panting for breath, and blown the cover of the entire operation.  
  
“They’re all in on it—” the angel panted. “Shoulder devil in the control room—”  
  
“They’re helping them escape!” the demon shouted.   
  
The uproar was immediate.   
  
Morthag began roaring at his men, who instantly and gleefully went back to tearing up the Starbucks. Morthag himself eyed Leeteuk and Kibum with his piggy little eyes, raising his club. Kangin stepped up next to Leeteuk and drew his sword with a menacing growl. The small group of Henry, Donghae, Sungmin, Zhou Mi, Hyukjae, and Shindong brandished their fists, looking not at all frightening. And Maion stood up, pointed at Leeteuk, and in a voice that shook the walls, boomed,  
  
**“TREACHERY!”**  
  
As one, all his men unsheathed their swords and stood at attention, glaring at Leeteuk and Kibum, waiting for orders.  
  
“Well,” Leeteuk said, the expression on his face somewhat resembling the look of a cat that had been backed into a corner by a rabid grizzly bear, “this has all gone terribly wrong.”  
  
***  
  
The sudden increase in noise drew Hankyung’s attention from his current conversation.  
  
“But, even if Heechul doesn’t know, why am  _I_  here?” Siwon was asking.   
  
“I don’t know.” Hankyung said, holding up a hand. “Heechul, let me get this straight. I thought you hated Heaven.”  
  
Heechul shrugged.  
  
“Every time I see you, all you do is  _complain_  about how much you  _hate it_.”  
  
“I complain about everything, actually.” Heechul said airily. “I’d probably complain just as much if I were in Hell.”  
  
“Are you telling me you don’t actually care either way?” Hankyung asked furiously.  
  
“I guess.”  
  
“Heechul—”  
  
“Look, I felt  _bad_  okay!” Heechul erupted. Hankyung and Siwon both shushed him anxiously. Heechul continued in a low hiss. “This is all  _your_  fault,” he continued, pointing at Siwon.  
  
“My fault?” Siwon said in a kind of screechy whisper. _“My_  fault?!”  
  
“I would have been fine wherever I ended up, but you had to go moping around, making everyone feel guilty—”  
  
“You don’t expect us to believe you’ve finally developed a  _conscience_ , do you?!” Siwon asked in disbelief.  
  
“It’s only about as hard to believe as  _you_  actually deciding to be a little  _immoral_  every once in awhile!”  
  
Siwon deflated a bit. “I guess… you’re right.”   
  
Heechul rolled his eyes. “Look, I  _do_  feel bad, okay? You try hanging around Henry and Leeteuk for so long and not becoming somewhat… nicer.”  
  
Siwon grinned slightly. “ _You_  try hanging around Hyukjae and Shindong for so long and not wishing you’d had a little more fun when you were alive.” He shook his head ruefully. “I was just… making up for lost time, I guess you could say.”  
  
Heechul nodded.   
  
Hankyung had just stared back and forth between them the entire conversation. Now, he cleared his throat. Heechul and Siwon looked over at him.  
  
“Um… I think I just figured something out.” He said.   
  
***  
  
Ryeowook and Yesung looked at each other, wide eyed. They couldn’t speak—they were gagged and bound, but even if they weren’t they wouldn’t have dared. Members of either law enforcement group milled around the control room, watching the door, watching over them, making sure nobody could try anything.  
  
They hadn’t caught Kyuhyun yet. It was extremely hard to apprehend someone who only stood five inches tall and could disappear at will.   
  
There was a small  _poof_  right behind Ryeowook’s left ear.  
  
“Don’t react.” Kyuhyun whispered. “I’m going to untie these ropes, but keep your hands behind your back for now.”  
  
Ryeowook nodded slightly.  
  
***  
  
“STOP,  _STOP!”_ Leeteuk was screaming at the top of his lungs, but it was no use. The Starbucks more closely resembled a war zone then a coffee shop now, and nobody could even hear him. Even Kibum was no longer trying to maintain order. As Leeteuk watched in despair, Kibum rolled up his sleeves, tapped a Hound on the shoulder, and nailed him with a vicious right hook when he turned around.  
  
“Leeteuk!” someone called. He spun around. Hankyung was looking over the top of the counter some ways away, gesturing at him. He dashed over, narrowly ducking a whistling dagger.   
  
“What?!”  
  
“I think I know what we have to do!” Hankyung said urgently. Leeteuk looked around wildly.  
  
“KIBUM!” he bellowed. “GET OVER HERE!”  
  
***  
  
Kangin’s sword flashed, and yet another Hound went down, hard. Most of the Hands were staying well away—they still had a healthy amount of respect for him. This left Shindong, Hyukjae and Zhou Mi to deal with them.   
  
Kangin grinned. They may have been a motley crew, but they could handle themselves in a fight. Shindong was a roaring, headbutting force to be reckoned with, more than just a few of the angels seemed to be terrified of Hyukjae, and Zhou Mi, it turned out, had one hell of a bitch slap.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Kangin saw Sungmin leap off a table, yelling something incomprehensible, and kick an angel in the face. Donghae swooped down, picked a screaming individual up by the scruff of their collar, and flung them several feet. Even Henry was doing whatever he could to help—he had ended up behind the counter and was continually filling latte cups with boiling water and then launching them grenade style at everyone he saw.  
  
There was a bellow from behind Kangin, and he turned just in time to bring his sword up to block Morthag’s attack. Club connected with sword, and Kangin felt his arms vibrating with the force of the blow. He gritted his teeth.  
  
“Hello, Morthag,” he ground out.  
  
“Why, if it isn’t my old friend, Kangin.” Morthag said scornfully, and Kangin winced at the sight of his rotten teeth. He pressed forward with his club. “You know, when I first got wind of all this, I was pretty damn annoyed. But now it looks like I may finally get the perfect chance to _destroy you_.”  
  
Kangin arced his sword, breaking their connection. He glared at Morthag, sword up and ready. Then he grinned.  
  
“Let’s not forget who put you  _in_  Hell in the first place.”  
  
Morthag’s smirk disappeared. With a livid roar, he charged Kangin.  
  
***  
  
“It  _could_  work,” Leeteuk breathed. He and Kibum had joined Hankyung, Siwon, and Heechul behind the counter. “I mean, it’s never been done after someone's already taken the elevator before, but it could give us the excuse we need to get out of this mess…”  
  
“We need to get word to Yesung and Ryeowook.” Kibum said. “Where’s—oh, Kyuhyun, there you are.”   
  
Kyuhyun opened his mouth to say something, but Kibum cut him off.  
  
“Are Yesung and Ryeowook ready?” He asked.   
  
“Uh…” Kyuhyun said. “That would strongly depend on your definition of ready…”  
  
“There’s been a change of plans.”  
  
While Kibum and Leeteuk explained the situation to Kyuhyun in a rushed whisper, Heechul and Siwon turned back to Hankyung.   
  
“Do you really think—” Siwon began to say, but Hankyung smiled at him.  
  
“It will work.” He said. “It has to.”  
  
“Hankyung…” Siwon bit his lip.  
  
“Would you stop worrying?” Heechul asked nervously.  
  
“I’m not!” Siwon said. “I just…” He turned to Hankyung. “Thank you.”  
  
Hankyung shrugged. “It’s what I do.”  
  
Siwon finally seemed to break. He lurched forward and hugged Hankyung, who looked rather surprised. He patted Siwon on the back. Siwon sniffled.  
  
“Alright, alright.” Heechul grumbled. “My turn.”  
  
He and Hankyung stared at each other. Hankyung looked like he was fighting back a smile.  
  
“Well, Heechul.” He said. “It’s been… interesting.”  
  
“I know.” Heechul said. “I can’t imagine what you would have been doing with yourself, if I hadn’t shown up.”  
  
Hankyung finally did smile. “Neither can I.”  
  
Heechul paused at this, looking, for a moment, less like a self-assured diva, and more like he had no idea what to do next.  
  
“Hankyung—” He said, which was when Hankyung rolled his eyes, leaned forward, and kissed him.   
  
Heechul gave a little gasp, but then his eyes fluttered closed—he slid his hand around to Hankyung’s neck and pulled him closer, and Hankyung’s fingers squeezed a little tighter on his waist—  
  
Siwon cleared his throat awkwardly.   
  
“Sorry.” He apologized. “Sorry, but we have to go.”  
  
Leeteuk and Kibum were staring.  
  
Heechul and Hankyung broke apart.   
  
“Well, you were all talking.” Heechul said, not the least bit embarrassed. Hankyung was obviously trying not to laugh. Heechul squeezed his hand.  
  
“See you later.” Hankyung said, winking.  
  
Heechul and Siwon both grinned.  
  
“Okay.” Kibum said tensely. “Let’s go!”  
  
***  
  
“Mmph?!” Yesung asked quietly. He was still gagged.  
  
“Shh!” Kyuhyun said. None of their guards appeared to have heard, however. “Leeteuk and Kibum think everything will work itself out if we do this. Get ready—they’ll be moving for the elevators soon—”  
  
“Hey!” Someone yelled. “HEY, that shoulder devil is back!”  
  
“ _Damn_.”   
  
Yesung ripped the gag out of his mouth. “RYEOWOOK, GO!”  
  
***  
  
Back in the Starbucks, Siwon and Heechul had leapt back over the counter, ratcheting up the panic level to a ten. Anyone trying to catch them seemed to realize who they were instantly.  
  
They managed to break through the first few, and an approaching Hand was nearly clawed to death by Heechul, but it didn’t take long for them to be surrounded.   
  
Maion stepped forward.   
  
**“I hereby declare,”** he stated loudly, **“That you are all under arrest for grievous crimes against both the realms of Heaven and Hell—”**  
  
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”  
  
Maion barely had time to turn before Shindong barreled into him full force, knocking the massive angel clear off his feet. Following swiftly behind him, Hyukjae leapt onto the back of another angel, who began screaming even as he crumpled to the floor.  
  
“OH MY GOD, HE’S BITING ME—”  
  
“Come on!” Zhou Mi yelled through the gap they’d created, and before anybody else could react, Siwon and the others leapt forward, running as fast as they could.  
  
But there were just too many of them. In seconds, Siwon, Zhou Mi, and Kibum had been split up from Leeteuk and Heechul. Siwon turned back, realizing Heechul was no longer running beside him anymore.   
  
“DON’T BE STUPID!” Heechul screamed at him. “YOU CAN’T EVEN THROW A PUNCH.”  
  
Well, that was true, Siwon thought. But he couldn’t just leave him—  
  
“Siwon, get to the elevator!” Leeteuk yelled.   
  
“Come on, come  _on_ ,” Zhou Mi said anxiously, tugging on his arm. “The door’s still here!”  
  
Siwon shook his head. “No, we’ve got to help.” And he ran back towards Heechul.   
  
Some ways down the counter, Kangin ducked as Morthag’s club whistled toward his head again. This was getting tiring.  
  
“Looks like they’ve caught your friends.” Morthag mocked. Kangin glanced around quickly and paid dearly for his moment of distraction. Morthag’s next swing caught him in the left shoulder. He roared in pain as the spikes ripped through him.  
  
“Not as strong as you once were!” Morthag crowed in triumph. “Out of practice, are we?”  
  
Kangin tried not to grimace. Things weren’t looking good. This fight was lasting longer than he’d anticipated, and now the others were in trouble.   
  
“I knew it wouldn’t be long after that idiot Leeteuk got that job that things would all… well, go to Hell, so to speak.” Morthag said, swinging again. Kangin blocked, but he could feel his arm shaking.  
  
“Shut up,” Kangin growled.  
  
“What  _loyalty_. It makes me sick.” Morthag spat.  
  
“HELP!” Kangin heard Leeteuk shout desperately.   
  
Morthag laughed cruelly. “After I finish you off… I think I’ll go for him next.”  
  
Kangin felt his anger blaze.  
  
“No… you… WON’T!”  
  
There was a sudden surge of light and heat, so intense Morthag had to shield his eyes. Kangin grinned fiercely, unaffected.   
  
It was  _his_  sword that was on fire, after all.   
  
“ _No_ …” Morthag breathed fearfully.  
  
“Oh, yes,” Kangin said. He struck.  
  
***  
  
Ryeowook screamed and ducked. A sword whistled just above his head, clanging off the wall behind him. He dove through the legs of the demon in front of him and scurried for the control panel.   
  
“Get the doors open!” Yesung cried.  
  
“What do you think I’m trying to—AHHH!”  
  
Yesung was still on the floor. Kyuhyun had never gotten a chance to untie his feet, and it looked like there was going to be even less of a chance now that he was trying to avoid being stabbed. He kicked out with both legs, catching someone in the stomach. With a groan, they slumped to the floor.  
  
Ryeowook, having finally reached the control panel, rapidly entered the code that would open the doors of the elevators. He spun away just as someone else made a grab for him again.  
  
“Hah-HAH!” Kyuhyun shouted triumphantly from somewhere. He was darting around, inflicting whatever damage he could, which mainly consisted of appearing in front of people, jabbing them in the eyes and then disappearing again. It was working surprisingly well.  
  
Yesung, left alone for the moment, crawled forward on his stomach, trying to reach Ryeowook and the control panels. Someone tripped over him, and sprawled across his legs. Unfortunately, it was a rather large someone.  
  
“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!” Yesung yelled, straining to free himself. He was stuck.  
  
***  
  
“In, in!” Zhou Mi said, shoving Siwon into his elevator. A few doors down, Henry was doing the same to Heechul.   
  
Not much was getting past Kangin and his sword now, and with the others helping, they had managed to get to the elevators fairly easily.   
  
“Are you sure you’ll all be okay?” Siwon asked Kibum.  
  
“Leeteuk and I will handle that,” He answered, as the doors began sliding closed. “Now get in there and wait for Yesung and Ryeowook to do their thing.”  
  
***  
  
As he said this, Kyuhyun was untying the last of the knots around Yesung’s ankles. With his legs free, Yesung managed to wriggle his way out from under the person lying on top of him.  
  
“Thanks!” He said, joining Ryeowook at the control panel. Somehow, miraculously, they’d managed to overcome all their guards.   
  
On the monitors, Siwon and Heechul were nervously waiting inside the elevators. Yesung grabbed the lever that would activate Siwon’s elevator. Ryeowook already had his hand on the lever for Heechul’s.  
  
“Here we go.” Ryeowook said.  
  
“On three.” Yesung nodded. “One…”  
  
“Two…”  
  
“Three!”   
  
***  
  
With a grinding noise, Siwon’s elevator began to move. This time, he didn’t dare relax. He stood tensely, staring at the doors.   
  
As he waited in the elevator, time seemed suspiciously like it started to slow. It seemed like he was travelling up for ages. And as he travelled, the memory of things that had happened to him during all those weeks, or months, or however long he’d been in Hell began to surface—but even as they did, they faded away, until it was like remembering things while dreaming. It all seemed a little fantastic and crazy, but yet still real.  
  
Suddenly:  
  
_Ding_.  
  
Siwon caught his breath.   
  
When the doors opened, light flooded the elevator. It was so bright he couldn’t see anything out of them.   
  
He stepped out.  
  
***  
  
“Oh, my God, he just moved!”   
  
“He couldn’t have, he’s dead—”  
  
“I swear I saw him—look, he’s doing it again—!”  
  
“Him too?!”  
  
“What the—”  
  
Siwon opened his eyes. He sat straight up.   
  
The crowd around him gasped and drew back. Camera flashes went off, blinding him. He looked to his right and saw an ambulance. He was lying in the middle of the street. He blinked once in absolute confusion.   
  
He felt in his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He stared at it. The display clock… it couldn’t be right. This was the scene of  _the_  accident, and it was showing that it couldn’t have been anymore than a few minutes since he’d… died.   
  
He suddenly felt massively overwhelmed.  _Had_  he died? Or had he just imagined everything? It sounded crazy now, and he realized he must have dreamed it all.  
  
He tried to stand, and realized he couldn’t feel his legs.   
  
“Oh, no…” He said, starting to feel slightly afraid.   
  
“Give it a minute,” a voice said. “I couldn’t feel the left side of my body for awhile.”  
  
Siwon craned his neck around and gaped.  
  
Heechul was standing behind him, arms crossed.   
  
“Need a hand?”   
  
Siwon took it, still trying to work out what to say. “…Heechul?” He finally choked out. Heechul nodded.   
  
“Yeah,” he said. Then, “It was real.” He pulled Siwon to his feet. There was another gasp from the crowd, and now Siwon could understand why—he and Heechul had definitely, obviously, been dead. And now they were  _both_  up and walking.  
  
“So it worked. The plan worked.” Siwon said in astonishment.  
  
“Looks like it.”  
  
“What about the others?” Siwon asked. “It, uh… looked like they might be in a lot of trouble when we left.”  
  
“I asked Leeteuk about it, right before the doors closed.” Heechul said. “The way he saw it, if we came back, it would be like we never died. Those parts of our files would just be erased. So the whole thing…”  
  
“Never happened.” Siwon finished.   
  
“There’s no evidence they ever did anything wrong, basically.” Heechul said, helping Siwon sling his arm over Heechul’s shoulder. Siwon tested his legs, and found he could limp along slowly.  
  
He looked up at the waning sunlight. It must be early evening. It was amazing, being able to tell what time of day it was.   
  
“What?” Heechul asked, staring at him. “Why are you smiling?”  
  
Siwon laughed. “We’re alive, Heechul.”  
  
“Do not get all sappy on me, or I’ll drop you.” Heechul said.   
  
“Okay, okay…” Siwon said, still laughing. They made it to the side of the road and stared back at the scene of the accident.   
  
“Can you believe we survived that?” Siwon asked.  
  
Heechul raised an eyebrow at him. “No.”  
  
“Kidding.” Siwon looked over at him. “So… what exactly do we do now?”  
  
Heechul looked at him slyly. “How about we grab a cup of coffee and call it a day?” He pointed at the nearest coffee shop, and Siwon grinned.  
  
“Sounds good.”  
  
And together, they walked into the Starbucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
